AquaDots

Dear China,
Please stop making toys that can kill my children.

This morning, I almost had a heart attack watching the news during which the recall of your latest bungle, AquaDots, was announced. I then almost killed myself falling down the stairs as I raced to grab that very toy from the kitchen table and throw it in the trash. And then, I had to explain to my FOUR-year old that AquaDots were very dangerous and that should she find any errant beads, she needed to throw them in the trash and never, ever eat them or let them near her SIX-MONTH old sister.

China, I have to admit, you've put me in a *very* bad position. My child thinks I'm a mean mom who doesn't want her to have any fun just because ingesting a few AquaDot beads can simulate the effects of the date rape drug. And because I now don't trust the manufacturing process of the entire toy and thus threw away everything, not just the beads, I have taken away my child's nail dryer (the super AquaDots set comes with a unique dryer that looks conspicuously like the ones in most nail salons and works like them too).

So China, please do me a huge favor. Get the government involved. Start implementing better, more rigid QA processes for your exported goods. And please, for anything that might end up in the hands of a child-particularly mine-take extra measures to ensure it's not toxic.

Thank you for your consideration.

The dogs have it.

This is a *real* email I just received from my husband:

Sent on 11/7 at 2:24PM
Jut ordered (Biko's) cake from The Barkery in Tewksbury. I picked Peanut Butter/Banana. It is bone shaped and will say Happy Birthday Biko! It can feed approx. 20 dogs if cut in small pieces. The cost is $26 and they are open until 7:00 PM on Thurday evenings. We just need treat bags.

I am not pregnant....

...nor have I been for almost six months now. So I *really* need to stop wearing maternity clothes!

I'm only 5lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight but my hips are about 4" wider than they used to be. Nothing fits. Except a few A-line and full skirts. So I continue to wear my maternity pants. And you know what? I love them. I have a few pairs that are really, really comfortable and would be flattering if I had a huge belly, but unfortunately now just look stupid.

So what do I do? Buy larger pants that won't fit well? Starve myself to fit into the pants I already own (although I'm not sure that'll do very much for the wider hip issue)? Use a rubber band to secure said pants? Move to an elastic waist?

Argh. I'll probably just continue to wear my maternity. It's so pathetic.

Powerhouse Update

Lunchtime blogging again, so bear with me....and if this post means nothing to you, check out my previous rant here.

Ok, so Natche called me yesterday to tell me that Powerhouse Gym (the fake one, hereafter referred to as *those bastards*) charged us AGAIN, this time for $59.97. Interestingly enough, the charge actually came from "Powerhouse". Um. There is no such thing. Those bastards aren't authorized to sell memberships under the Powerhouse name and therefore all of the contracts they sold are null and void. And, since they charged my credit card after being notified of the Powerhouse lawsuit , my sense is they're now engaging in credit card fraud.

So this is me, yesterday afternoon, on a call with an American Express customer service rep:

Me: Yes, I need to report fraudulent charges on my card.

Rep: Sure, can you tell me which ones?

Me: The ones for Powerhouse on 7/25, 9/11, 10/11 and 11/3. All of them.

Rep: What's the issue, ma'am (love that he called me ma'am).

Me: The gym has been fraudulently selling memberships under the Powerhouse name and has recently been sued. The owner was never authorized to sell memberships and yet, keeps charging my card.

Rep: Well, sometimes gyms charge up front...

Me (cutting him off): You don't understand. They were never authorized to sell memberships, but did so good-and-well knowing they were conning innocent people. And, Powerhouse is now suing those bastards. Wanna see the article?

Rep: Wow. That's pretty bad.

Me: Yes, so can you please file a claim, cancel my husband's credit card and remove those charges?

Rep: It would be my pleasure.
_____
LOVE AMEX. Hmmm...I wonder if the Attorney General is considering filing charges against them. Might be worth checking...

Working....er, blogging.

So if I'm going to keep up with NaBloPoMo, I'll have to blog from work. At lunch. Something I'd hoped to avoid. I mean, how does it look to be sitting at your desk with a Blogger window open? Can I feign research? Probably not.

Next thing you know, I'll be Twittering. Or sending PocketTwitters. Oops! Too late!

But enough about that....let's get on to the real news:
I'm quite angry with my husband.

Now, I love the man dearly, but if he EVER leaves me to take care of two small children at a party with more than 100 people in attendance while he sits and watches an ENTIRE football game--one that I wanted to watch as well--knowing good and well that one child wasn't feeling well and needed to be held THE ENTIRE TIME and the other one only wanted to watch Cinderella III and nothing else, well, let's just say, he'll be singing a different note. A very high one at that.

Oh, and speaking of Princesses (sort of), I just picked up this for Miss Petra's big holiday gift. Extravagant? Perhaps, but necessary since she won't leave my iPod Touch alone.

My favorite pic

DSC00265
Originally uploaded by MichelleBB

I took this one two weeks ago before all of the leaves had fallen.

I like it mostly because of what you *can't* see....the in-much-need-of-sod yard, the busy street, and most importantly, the neighbors.

The leaves of fall

The leaves of Fall
Originally uploaded by MichelleBB

It's amazing what you can find in your own backyard.

Now I just need to find someone to rake up the THOUSANDS of leaves that have fallen across our property. Natche?

Damn! I'm strong!

So, I work out with a trainer twice a week, and he's just fantastic. He's excellent at his job and makes me *want* to go to the gym (a hard task indeed). Anyone who can get me to roll out of bed at 4:15AM to get to the gym for 5 has to be good.

Anyhoo, we've been working out together about two years now, and just recently I've noticed something: I'm strong. Not average strong. Not even pretty decent strong. I'm talking SUPER FREAKY strong. As in, how in the hell do I manage to lift that much weight?

But I keep getting stronger. And so you know, I'm not really that big...in fact, I'm fairly average - 5'7, 140lbs (give or take a bit of water weight)...but read these numbers (back are actually from this morning):

• Lat pulldown - 170lbs for 8 reps (last three with assistance)
• Seated row - 140lbs for 10 reps
• Bench press - 135 for 8 (last three with assistance)...and have tried 185!
• Hammer curls - 25lbs for 20

Am I wrong about the strength thing? I mean, I can pretty much bench my weight....that's pretty good, yes?

What comes around....

...goes around. Remember this: You screw enough people - and the wrong people at that - it WILL come back to bite you right in the ass.

Natche and I joined a brand new gym a while back because it looked promising - it was small and intimate, the equipment was top-notch and the training staff were some of the best in the area.

That is....

...Until the *consigned* equipment was repo'd.
...My trainer quit after sinking close to $20k into the business.
...The franchise holder sued the gym owner for trademark infringement.

So apparently the owner is in hot water with his landlord, the Better Business Bureau, the Department of Justice's Consumer Protection and Antitrust Bureau and a couple of mobsters (the unlikely, but helpful friends of my trainer). Seriously. Not. Good.

It's that shyster's own damn fault though. He's obviously a con artist and how he managed to open the doors in the first place is beyond me. I think a little leg-breaking is in order, personally.

Wanna learn more? Read this article.

A Day Late...

I'm too late to *officially* join NaBloPoMo, but I'm going to do it anyway. I've been lax about posting, not because I don't want to, but because work has been hell.

And because I've been Twittering instead.

And yes, taking care of my children.

But all of that is about to change (not the taking care of children part...it's pretty much a requirement of the mommy job) because I'm committed to blogging (not just a one-line post either) every day through the end of the month.

Anyone else out there participating? Thought about it and decided not to? Have no clue what NaBloPoMo is and don't really care?

Did You Know 2.0

Very interesting video, but it makes my brain hurt a bit.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

It's Old Navy Stuff 'n Save time. And I'm just giddy. It's the simplest promotion EVER - send people a bag, let them stuff it full and give them a discount off of everything in the bag. It's. GENIUS.

Everyone I know who receives the bag uses it. Everyone. And all of my friends, we all call each other and ask, "Did you receive the stuff 'n save yet? Because it's on its way", and "When are you going to go?"

An ode to Old Navy:
Oh favorite retailer, you make
me happy and complete.
You clothe me, my children
and my husband replete.

Your wares are fashion-fun,
sized-right and well made,
I visit you often and never
scoff at what I paid.

Old Navy, I won't leave you
unless you take away
your fabulous stuff 'n save
that brings me often your way.

Old Navy, Old Navy
How I love you so.
If you could just add
better shoes for me
Elsewhere I'd never go.

Best,
BB

99 bottles of beer on the wall....

How much beer does it take to get an elephant drunk? Seriously, wouldn't it be several kegs worth?

Note: this is a sad story, but slightly amusing in a sick and twisted way. I mean, who knew elephants liked beer so much?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21432722/?GT1=10450

Mini Pete

It's so sad, but she is *so* her father's child.

I was involved, I promise. See all that hair? MY HEARTBURN. See those adorable chubby cheeks? MY 40 POUNDS. See that cute Gap outfit? MY MONEY.

I got nothing to show for it...

Where to start?

So much has happened and writing is such a chore nowadays. I'll summarize:

1. Took family to Pumpkin Fest in local major metropolis. Had a blast. Girls wore costumes made by their grandmother and looked absolutely adorable. See?
2. Caught up with an old friend. Hadn't spoken to him in ages, but was thrilled to see him on Facebook. He's living in Chicago, so it's unlikely that we'll see each other soon, but it was nice to catch up. To be honest, I thought he was in a ditch somewhere.
3. Took the girly girls to get their school pictures taken today. Cracked me up. Petra? ALL SMILES. Raya? Not-so-much. Seriously, whodathunkit?

Not much of an update, but it's all I got for now. Isn't it enough that I posted the cute pics?

Hyp.O.Crite

That would be me: a person who acts in contradiction to his/her stated beliefs or feelings.

I completely BASHED a woman (who I do not know) for her questionable fashion taste (and it is *very* questionable) while on the phone with my friend, Al. Now, this woman has no idea that I think she dresses inappropriately for the workplace, so it's not as if I'm being mean....to her face. I just really, really needed to tell someone about the clear platform heels and the tight, tight skinny jeans...IN THE WORKPLACE. It's not so wrong of me to question, is it?

Karma feels otherwise. I got a look at my get-up in a full-length mirror at work and was completely horrified. I look bad. I am wearing a maternity shirt that is obviously maternity and obviously too big and a pair of boots that are waaaay too high, but were in my closet and were black (my only criteria this morning). And my long sweater does nothing for my butt. Wait, let me rephrase: it does nothing good for my butt.

I SERIOUSLY have no business questioning anyone's fashion sense today.

Chopped

I'm officially on a TV diet. I just eliminated Journeyman and Bionic Woman from the DVR and will most likely give up Moonlight. I am two weeks behind on Heroes (and I *will* catch up on that this weekend) and a week behind on Reaper.

I'll probably keep The Biggest Loser because it's easy. I FF past most of the show and slow down for the weigh-ins and the segment in which they show you how thin the kicked-off competitor got once he/she left the show. LOVE THAT PART. Did you people see Jim (or was it Bill) from last week? He dropped like a person and looked fab.

So that's it. I'm on a TV diet and only those shows that are absolutely, positively can't miss--or available for download from iTunes--are in.

*Me* Time

I'm off to a work function tonight, which you'd normally think would be boring and stodgy, yes? Nope, not this one. This will be a glorious evening filled with mucho amounts of food and drink, complemented by some interesting entertainment (Jimmy Tingle is making a guest appearance). And the best thing: it's adults only.

Don't hate me for saying that, please. I love my children, I really do. But considering that last night's highlight was washing the sweet potato puree out of my hair, well, then you understand that this is a well-deserved night out.

Oh, and did I tell you that Al's coming with me? Because then you just *know* it's going to be a wild one.

Happy dance!

I got it! I got it! I got it!


And once I can download the latest version of iTunes - the stupid site is down right now - I'll be able to use it!

Seriously, there is no better feeling than this (except when you, as the Highlander, chop off the head of your enemy thus absorbing all of his/her energy...I imagine that's quite the feeling).

Technology rocks!

P&R's World