Apple, I love you

Yes, the guy looked at me funny when I showed him the tiny speck of light on my Touch's screen, but he gave me a new one anyway.

Although (and this is *such a nit-pick too), when I asked if I could upgrade to the 16GB (which would cost me $100 more), he said no, he'd have to give me the exact model I had before. Um, don't want my money? Ok.

Nit-pick

So I have an iPod Touch; I think we've established that, yes? Well, the other night I found something on it that really, really bothers me. And it's truly almost imperceptible to the naked eye...except mine. It's a pixelation...or some kind of light dot on the screen that doesn't appear to be a fleck of dust. And although it's almost impossible to see, I know *exactly* where it is and it bothers the shit out of me.

So what do I do? Return the player because it has a spec of light on it? Will they laugh at me when they have to wuse a magnifying glass to see it?

It doesn't really ma tter because you know I plan to hit the Apple Store this week. I mean, really, could you live with a light dot on your $300 iPod? Because I cannot.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Let it be known that on this day, Sunday, November 25th, Raya Laine cut her very first tooth.

Home at last

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my family. I look forward to Thanksgiving all year just so I can take the girls to see their Bubbie and Crazy Aunt Judy. But there's just something about being home. It might be the SEVEN hour trip with two children under four....OR it might just be me.

Bitch. Moan. Complain.

Top ten reasons I really need to go back to bed today:

1. It took us EIGHT hours to fly to Texas yesterday. With two small children. Note to self: never go the cheap route again.
2. My throat is killing me. I can feel a sickness descending....
3. Ray Ray woke up at 5:00...AM this morning. Ready to play.
4. I put my underwear on inside out today.
5. I ate chili for lunch. I can still TASTE it.
6. I'm working....when I'm supposed to be on vacation. And my family is at the movies without me.
7. Some of my favorite cousins and friends from Dallas are on vacation. Elsewhere. I won't get to see them this trip.
8. I just got off a disappointing work call.
9. I think I've gained weight. In all the wrong places.
10. And finally, It will take me another EIGHT hours to fly home on Saturday. With two small children.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Southwest's New Boarding Policy

I gotta say, I'm not sure I like it:

1. They stopped boarding families first. I'm sure those of you without children really couldn't care, but it was a nice perk if you were trying to get decent overhead luggage space for the bazillion toys/clothes/food items required when traveling with wee ones. Now, they board families between the As and the Bs.
2. They started a position numbering system. I guess so many people have complained about the "cattle call"--you know, those lines that form more than an hour before boarding because certain people (myself included) must be first to board (yes, I'm anal like that)--so they changed their policy. In any case, one's position is determined by the quickness of your trigger finger (think Ticketmaster). You get online and hit the button EXACTLY 24-hours before the flight if you have any hope of getting an A, much less a low number.

I'll find out exactly how bad this new system is tomorrow when the family and I head off (with the millions of other folks) for the holidays. Fortunately, we have seats for everyone. Oh, that's right: WE DIDN'T BUY A SEAT FOR RAY RAY. Guess someone (read: me) will have to hold her for the duration of the flights.

What to do?

I'm headed out of town and need to load up my iTouch. Since a good friend of mine was kind enough to give me a GC, I've been browsing iTunes for the last few minutes, desperate to find a movie that will keep me entertained on the plane and is worth purchasing. Nothing fits the criteria.

But something did catch my eye: the first season of Eureka. So I throw it out there to you. Do I settle for a mediocre movie that I probably won't enjoy? Or do I add (yet another) show to my "must watch" list.

Anyone out there currently watch Eureka, and if so, is it worth spending $24 for season 1?

Baby Cougar

The baby cougar is going back! That's right folks, I no longer fit the profile, you know, being 29 AND ALL.

Earlier this evening, I was chattering away with the teeny-boppers who work at Petra and Raya's school while Petra finished drawing a picture. While we were talking, I happened to mention that Ray-Ray had gotten four shots earlier that morning. One of the teenies (call her Teenie #1) empathized: she'd received four shots earlier in the week, including the (apparently painful) HPV vaccination.

Teenie #2 then jumped into the conversation, "Oh no, Teenie #1, the HPV vacc is no big deal and everyone should get it...including you (looking directly at me)". Teenie #1 looked at Teenie #2 like she was insane, but whatever.

Me: Honey, I'm too old to get the HPV vaccination. I really don't need to worry....

Teenie #2: (obviously not getting my drift) But it doesn't hurt at all. You should really think about getting it.

Me: No, it's really not necessary.

Teenie #2: Oh, yeah. It's probably more appropriate for girls in their teens and early 20's, yes? And you're like what, 29?

Me: Honey, I LOVE YOU. You might just be my new best friend.

In the words of FSJ...

SIOOMA!

I'm struggling with a colleague...and while I like him well enough, he is the King of the nasty-gram. You know, that snarky little email, the contents of which can only be written because you'd never deign to say those mean-spirited words to someone's face. Would you?

Now, before I go putting myself on a pedestal, I'll admit to being a bit snarky now and again. Al can attest to that better than most. But at least I have the common decency (and intelligence, I might add) to not put it in print. Because let me tell you, if this guy EVER really pushed it???? Well, let's just say, I gotta whole folder full of his snark that could come back to bite.

Namaste, my friend.

Prank call

So, someone just prank-called my cell phone. I think it was some teen random dialing, but still, she left a nasty little message on my cell phone (in which she sounded drunk) and then thinking she'd shut off the phone, proceeded to have a conversation with someone I can only assume was her mother.

All caught on my cell phone. I did a reverse look-up (thanks Google ads!) and the call came from a landline in a nearby town.

So I ask, dear readers: do I call the number and speak to the parent (if my assumptions above are correct)? Or do I just leave it alone?

What's a girl to do???

An open letter to the women with whom I work

Dear ladies,
I have a growing concern for the hygiene practices (or lack thereof) of the women in this company. Ladies, you are gross. You really are.

If I could ask, nay beg, please take heed of the following suggestions:

1. Stop peeing on the toilet seats. Or if you accidentally sprinkle, please clean it up. I'm tired of getting my ass wet!
2. Flush the toilets. Nobody needs to see your business. Especially if you had a spicy burrito or nasty fish (you know who you are) for lunch.
3. And if you must relieve your bowels completely, please have the decency to use the scented spray provided by our company. It's. What. It's. There. For.

Look, we only have one bathroom on this floor and we all must share this precious resource.

Your attention to the matter is greatly appreciated.

One of the best Facebook Group names ever....

"When I was your age, Pluto was a planet."

Seriously. The entire group is dedicated to discussing Pluto's demotion from planet to well, whatever it is now. And the group's mission has been featured in recent news articles, including this one.

FYI, this "group" has well over 1 million members and is one of the largest Facebook groups out there. That's right. 1 MILLION. There are a lot of folks, apparently, who feel that Pluto got the shaft last year.

It's so huge, in fact, that you can now buy a Pluto group t-shirt: http://www.myshirtguy.com/main.sc

Abso-friggen-lutely amazing.

Fan-friggen-tastic!

The Trans-Siberian concert on Saturday night was one of the best shows (concert, Broadway musical or otherwise) I've ever seen. Bar none.

The band/orchestra played for 2 hr 50 min with no intermission and kept the crowd entranced the entire time.

The first half of the show is a narrated story filled with orchestral holiday music and amazing special effects. The second half is more *rock* with a few unusual (but good) interpretations of classics, such as Beethoven's Requiem and O Fortuna, the primary piece in Carl Orff's cantata based on the collection of poems called Carmina Burana (think Excalibur).

If you haven't seen TSO play, I highly recommend it. For $50 a person, my husband and I enjoyed a show the likes of which I've never seen. I can honestly say, I can't wait for next year.

Crap and crap!

1. Crap 1. I missed entirely yesterday's required blog post. I officially failed NaBloPoMo. I'm not quitting, but I'd really hoped to get in a post a day, and thought I'd be successful, especially since I blogged on my way to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert on Sat (more on that concert, including photos, later)
2. Crap 2. I just used a word improperly. On the phone. With an analyst. And she corrected me. I. HATE. THAT. I pride myself on having a decent vocabulary; my thoughts are generally cogent and my business writing fairly persuasive. I am one of two grammarians in the organization so I really pay attention to what I say and how I write (well, for work anyway). So it really, really, really bothers me when I'm corrected. This is probably the third time (in as many years) that I've misused a word, and I'll probably dwell on it for the next week or so. And in case you're wondering, the word was "subsumed" and I meant "submerged" or "consumed"...

Strike that...

EDITED:
That was BY FAR the best show I've ever seen. I can't even begin to describe how fantastic that group is. The vocals, the instruments...Carmina. My God, how have I not seen them before this? And how can I see them again???


We have *excellent* seats. We're in the eighth row. Seats 1 and 2. Not that these were the toughest tix in the world, but still, eighth row? I'm pretty psyched. More later.

Last minute posting

I so forgot to blog this morning and since we're going to Trans-Siberian orchestra tonight, a short-but-sweet post from my Blackberry will have to do.
Anyhoo, Petra and I went to that bar-mitzvah this morning, and God love her, she was a champ- the service was WELL over two hours long and she stayed relatively quiet and still the entire time.

Afterwards we attended the luncheon-we knew noone-at which Petra ate two chocolate chip cookies and licked the cream cheese off a bagel. She had absolutely NO interest in the lovely schmorgasbord (sp?) of smoked fish. I, however, thought the whitefish in particular was delish! (Unintentional rhyme)

My cousin Mel comes up tomorrow with her kids so it's going to be a busy day. But for now, it's just me and Natche, a nice dinner at Tribeca, and good seats for Trans-Siberian.

Dear God...

This morning, on the way to school/work:

Me: Petra, we're going to a bar-mitzvah tomorrow. Are you excited?

P: Mommy, what's a bar-meezbah?

Me: It's a ceremony for Jewish boys. Mommy, had a bat-mitzvah because Mommy's Jewish.

P: Like Daddy...and Biko...

Me: No, Daddy's not Jewish. Daddy's Catholic. Remember, we go to church with Daddy.

P: Well, am I one of those things? What am I?

Me: You are whatever you want to be...Jewish, Catholic...a little of both.

P: Mommy, I don't want to be anything. I just want to be me.

Natche, where in the hell are you?

Natche,
If I call your cell phone, it's generally because I need something urgently. Like perhaps I'm having a massive PANIC ATTACK. Now, I don't have them too often, but when I do, they suck and I really, really need someone to talk me off of the ledge. Any chance you could be that someone?

"I have a Little Mermaid credit card."

...My husband said sheepishly when I asked him why he didn't use his new Visa card for a recent purchase.

Me: What's wrong with the Disney credit card? We earn points towards DisneyWorld. You know, that mecca of commercialism and entertainment that you can't wait to go back to?

Natche: Yes, but. it. has. the. Little. Mermaid. on. it. How in the hell am I ever going to use it? People will snicker at me behind their backs! Why, oh why Renny, did you do this to me?

Me: I wasn't *trying* to emasculate you, Natche. I was trying to please our four-year old who thinks it's the best thing in the world that her parents carry Little Mermaid credit cards. Can't you just go with it?

Natche: No, I can't. Please go back online and order me the Mickey Mouse credit card. Thank you.

AquaDots

Dear China,
Please stop making toys that can kill my children.

This morning, I almost had a heart attack watching the news during which the recall of your latest bungle, AquaDots, was announced. I then almost killed myself falling down the stairs as I raced to grab that very toy from the kitchen table and throw it in the trash. And then, I had to explain to my FOUR-year old that AquaDots were very dangerous and that should she find any errant beads, she needed to throw them in the trash and never, ever eat them or let them near her SIX-MONTH old sister.

China, I have to admit, you've put me in a *very* bad position. My child thinks I'm a mean mom who doesn't want her to have any fun just because ingesting a few AquaDot beads can simulate the effects of the date rape drug. And because I now don't trust the manufacturing process of the entire toy and thus threw away everything, not just the beads, I have taken away my child's nail dryer (the super AquaDots set comes with a unique dryer that looks conspicuously like the ones in most nail salons and works like them too).

So China, please do me a huge favor. Get the government involved. Start implementing better, more rigid QA processes for your exported goods. And please, for anything that might end up in the hands of a child-particularly mine-take extra measures to ensure it's not toxic.

Thank you for your consideration.

The dogs have it.

This is a *real* email I just received from my husband:

Sent on 11/7 at 2:24PM
Jut ordered (Biko's) cake from The Barkery in Tewksbury. I picked Peanut Butter/Banana. It is bone shaped and will say Happy Birthday Biko! It can feed approx. 20 dogs if cut in small pieces. The cost is $26 and they are open until 7:00 PM on Thurday evenings. We just need treat bags.

I am not pregnant....

...nor have I been for almost six months now. So I *really* need to stop wearing maternity clothes!

I'm only 5lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight but my hips are about 4" wider than they used to be. Nothing fits. Except a few A-line and full skirts. So I continue to wear my maternity pants. And you know what? I love them. I have a few pairs that are really, really comfortable and would be flattering if I had a huge belly, but unfortunately now just look stupid.

So what do I do? Buy larger pants that won't fit well? Starve myself to fit into the pants I already own (although I'm not sure that'll do very much for the wider hip issue)? Use a rubber band to secure said pants? Move to an elastic waist?

Argh. I'll probably just continue to wear my maternity. It's so pathetic.

Powerhouse Update

Lunchtime blogging again, so bear with me....and if this post means nothing to you, check out my previous rant here.

Ok, so Natche called me yesterday to tell me that Powerhouse Gym (the fake one, hereafter referred to as *those bastards*) charged us AGAIN, this time for $59.97. Interestingly enough, the charge actually came from "Powerhouse". Um. There is no such thing. Those bastards aren't authorized to sell memberships under the Powerhouse name and therefore all of the contracts they sold are null and void. And, since they charged my credit card after being notified of the Powerhouse lawsuit , my sense is they're now engaging in credit card fraud.

So this is me, yesterday afternoon, on a call with an American Express customer service rep:

Me: Yes, I need to report fraudulent charges on my card.

Rep: Sure, can you tell me which ones?

Me: The ones for Powerhouse on 7/25, 9/11, 10/11 and 11/3. All of them.

Rep: What's the issue, ma'am (love that he called me ma'am).

Me: The gym has been fraudulently selling memberships under the Powerhouse name and has recently been sued. The owner was never authorized to sell memberships and yet, keeps charging my card.

Rep: Well, sometimes gyms charge up front...

Me (cutting him off): You don't understand. They were never authorized to sell memberships, but did so good-and-well knowing they were conning innocent people. And, Powerhouse is now suing those bastards. Wanna see the article?

Rep: Wow. That's pretty bad.

Me: Yes, so can you please file a claim, cancel my husband's credit card and remove those charges?

Rep: It would be my pleasure.
_____
LOVE AMEX. Hmmm...I wonder if the Attorney General is considering filing charges against them. Might be worth checking...

Working....er, blogging.

So if I'm going to keep up with NaBloPoMo, I'll have to blog from work. At lunch. Something I'd hoped to avoid. I mean, how does it look to be sitting at your desk with a Blogger window open? Can I feign research? Probably not.

Next thing you know, I'll be Twittering. Or sending PocketTwitters. Oops! Too late!

But enough about that....let's get on to the real news:
I'm quite angry with my husband.

Now, I love the man dearly, but if he EVER leaves me to take care of two small children at a party with more than 100 people in attendance while he sits and watches an ENTIRE football game--one that I wanted to watch as well--knowing good and well that one child wasn't feeling well and needed to be held THE ENTIRE TIME and the other one only wanted to watch Cinderella III and nothing else, well, let's just say, he'll be singing a different note. A very high one at that.

Oh, and speaking of Princesses (sort of), I just picked up this for Miss Petra's big holiday gift. Extravagant? Perhaps, but necessary since she won't leave my iPod Touch alone.

My favorite pic

DSC00265
Originally uploaded by MichelleBB

I took this one two weeks ago before all of the leaves had fallen.

I like it mostly because of what you *can't* see....the in-much-need-of-sod yard, the busy street, and most importantly, the neighbors.

The leaves of fall

The leaves of Fall
Originally uploaded by MichelleBB

It's amazing what you can find in your own backyard.

Now I just need to find someone to rake up the THOUSANDS of leaves that have fallen across our property. Natche?

Damn! I'm strong!

So, I work out with a trainer twice a week, and he's just fantastic. He's excellent at his job and makes me *want* to go to the gym (a hard task indeed). Anyone who can get me to roll out of bed at 4:15AM to get to the gym for 5 has to be good.

Anyhoo, we've been working out together about two years now, and just recently I've noticed something: I'm strong. Not average strong. Not even pretty decent strong. I'm talking SUPER FREAKY strong. As in, how in the hell do I manage to lift that much weight?

But I keep getting stronger. And so you know, I'm not really that big...in fact, I'm fairly average - 5'7, 140lbs (give or take a bit of water weight)...but read these numbers (back are actually from this morning):

• Lat pulldown - 170lbs for 8 reps (last three with assistance)
• Seated row - 140lbs for 10 reps
• Bench press - 135 for 8 (last three with assistance)...and have tried 185!
• Hammer curls - 25lbs for 20

Am I wrong about the strength thing? I mean, I can pretty much bench my weight....that's pretty good, yes?

What comes around....

...goes around. Remember this: You screw enough people - and the wrong people at that - it WILL come back to bite you right in the ass.

Natche and I joined a brand new gym a while back because it looked promising - it was small and intimate, the equipment was top-notch and the training staff were some of the best in the area.

That is....

...Until the *consigned* equipment was repo'd.
...My trainer quit after sinking close to $20k into the business.
...The franchise holder sued the gym owner for trademark infringement.

So apparently the owner is in hot water with his landlord, the Better Business Bureau, the Department of Justice's Consumer Protection and Antitrust Bureau and a couple of mobsters (the unlikely, but helpful friends of my trainer). Seriously. Not. Good.

It's that shyster's own damn fault though. He's obviously a con artist and how he managed to open the doors in the first place is beyond me. I think a little leg-breaking is in order, personally.

Wanna learn more? Read this article.

A Day Late...

I'm too late to *officially* join NaBloPoMo, but I'm going to do it anyway. I've been lax about posting, not because I don't want to, but because work has been hell.

And because I've been Twittering instead.

And yes, taking care of my children.

But all of that is about to change (not the taking care of children part...it's pretty much a requirement of the mommy job) because I'm committed to blogging (not just a one-line post either) every day through the end of the month.

Anyone else out there participating? Thought about it and decided not to? Have no clue what NaBloPoMo is and don't really care?