My Ears!

The following is actual dialogue from a conversation that took place this morning at 3:44am; all of us were in bed:

Natche: (snore) (snore) (snore even louder)

P: (pushing her father) "Daddy, I can't hear my ears. You keep making an 'oink oink' sound!"

Natche: (barely awake) "Whaa??? Hmmmm....What's going on???"

Me: (laughing hard because I know exactly what she's saying; trying to catch my breath) "She can't hear anything but your snoring. She keeps waking up. That's what she's trying to say."

P: (for emphasis because she hears me laughing so loudly)
"Dada, stop making the 'oink' noise!"

Natche: "Whaaa? I don't snore!"

Ha! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Seriously, it was one of the funniest exchanges ever.

Lost

Interesting episode, I must say. Or is interesting even the right word? I'm actually quite taken with this Nikki and Paulo-centric epi.

Wait and ick. Did the Losties just bury them (Nikki and Paulo) alive? Ick. Ick. Ick. Blech.

But remember, as Locke said, nothing stays buried on the island.

Ick. Ick. Ick.

Pick a day...any day!

My mother already has April 26th (not coincidentally, her birthday).
Natche thinks this child will come on May 1.

I have a feeling, that just to spite me, this child will come on May 18. And for those not keeping track, that will be one day AFTER my due date.

So what do you think? Venture a guess?

My goodness, the behavior!

Ok, someone took my semi-normal three-year old and replaced her with an oh-the-drop-of-a-hat-sends-her-into-full-tantrum-mode child.

I kid you not, her tantrums will be legendary one day. You can't predict them. You can't anticipate them. And, you can't manage them. You can only walk away....quickly....and pray that she stops when she realizes she doesn't have an audience.

(Sidebar: I'm watching the recap from last night's Dancing--yes, I'm addicted--and the worst female performance for the foxtrot BY FAR goes to Leeeeza. Wow. It was bad. And her mambo wasn't much better even though she did receive an acceptable score...not sure how that's possible.)

So back to my child. I don't know what to do except to hope that it's just a phase. She's so familiar with the timeout process at this point that I could probably just look at her and point and she'd know what to do. Not only that, but her *stuff*, you know, the *stuff* she carries with her EVERYWHERE--puppy, the blue and red ponies, the small Dora dog and her favorite vanilla chapstick--and loves so much it pains her to part with it? Oh trust me, all of that stuff is equally as familiar with the timeout process--one that involves sitting on the refrig for a predetermined amount of time--and really wants her to start behaving too.

Dancing with the Starts, Week 2

Hear me now early in week 2 of Dancing: I might reconsider my choice for winner. I just saw Apolo Anton Ohno dance and he was fan-friggen'-tastic. Not only that, but he's cute, looked like he was having fun and genuinely danced well.

I'll see how Joey does tonight, but I can't imagine a much better Quickstep than Apolo's.

I can't remember if I predicted the ultimate loser; you know, the one who goes home tomorrow night. I'd like it to be Billy Rae, but I imagine he has quite a few country music fans who will vote for him...not to mention the entire Hanna Montana fan base. It's actually quite sad because he could go far that way.

Shandi is cute in a Barbie doll sort of way, but she's not very good. I don't think she'll make it very far.

Leeza will go early, but I don't know if she'll be the first.

I'll be so disappointed if Clyde goes. He's so damn cute.

Sooooo.......I'm going with Leeza. Sorry, but the tribe has spoken.

EDITED at 8:55 to say: It's EEE-YAN. EEE-YAN. Who the hell else pronounces it EYE-AN???

EDITED at 8:58 to say: Best line of the night from Paulina Poriskova; "I'm going to go out and mambo as hard as a Czech girl can."

Random Musings

Lost was fantastic. One of the better epis IMO. LOVE the crashing window scene.
_________

Saw parts of Jane Austen does Bollywood yesterday and then taped the entire thing last night. I already love it and might have to watch it several times.
_________

My child has turned into a screaming, whining banshee who doesn't listen. I might pull all of my hair out.
_________

How is it that I'm supposed to be winding down at work, but still managed to put in 55 hours last week. I don't feel like I had much of a weekend at all.
________

That's all for now.

I did it!

I went back to the gym today to work out with JP for the first time since this unfortunate episode.

I was so nervous; I thought it was going to suck big time...or actually, more to the point, I thought I'd be sucking some major wind. Surprisingly though, I did really, really well. Granted, I wasn't lifting anything REALLY heavy but I managed to do an hour-long full body workout with surprising ease.

And. it. felt. good. So good, in fact, that I plan to go back next week and every week until this baby makes her appearance. LOVE IT!

Mean Girls

I just read a very interesting blog post written by Jen (Jennsylvania, Bitter is the New Black) over at MamaPop.com. The post starts off by recounting the story of April Branum, the 400 lb California woman who gave birth to a healthy baby boy two days after she found out she was pregnant.

But Jen's post was less about the woman and more about the mean, hateful comments made on the OC Register's Web site following the posting of the story there. So she asked the question, does anonymity make people mean? Or meaner? And if so, why?

I mean, who cares that the woman didn't know she was pregnant? Seriously, if you weighed 400 lbs, it's quite possible you wouldn't feel a baby kicking....that's a lot of padding! And if you hadn't had your period in more than two years, you'd probably think a stomach ache was just that and not necessarily the onset of LABOR.

But let's say you're a skeptic, an asshole or just downright stupid and you have a hard time accepting her story - does that give you the right to be mean and vicious?

The answer, of course, is no. Absolutely, positively not. (And yes, I get the irony that this post is coming from me, the woman who often quotes Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias, "if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.")

Still, I don't care who you are or how snarky you can get sometimes, there is no need to wish someone ill or to assume (in print) that a 400 lb woman cannot properly care for a newborn.

NH Rocks!

CONCORD, N.H. -- For the fourth straight year, New Hampshire has been named the "Most Livable State" in the nation in a national survey. Morgan Quinto Press listed New Hampshire as No. 1, based on economic, educational, health-oriented, crime and environmental statistics.

Governor John Lynch is beaming. He says the report reaffirms that New Hampshire is a great place to live and work. But he said the state still must work to improve the quality of education, strengthen the economy, make health care more accessible and affordable, protect natural resources and ensure public safety.

(Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

My first meme!*

1. What is your occupation? VP of Marketing
2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing any!
3. What are you listening to right now ? Cirque du Soleil, even as I write
4. What was the last thing you ate? A wheat bagel, nothing on it
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, of course...who can't?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? The brightest one in the box
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Natche
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes
Missing #9
10. Favorite drink? Coffee, even now
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Um, no?
13.Do you have any pets? No, but I have two furry children-Biko & Kita
14. Favorite food? BBQ Ribs
15. What was the last movie you watched? Ice Age 2
16. Favorite day of the year? Petra's Birthday
17. What do you do to vent anger? Run (when not pregnant, of course)
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Kola Bear (no, that's not a misspelling; I didn't know how to spell "koala" when I was young)
19. Which is your favorite fall or spring? Spring
20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
21. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries
#22 - 24, not applicable
Missing #25
26. When was the last time you cried? Last week. Major meltdown.
27. What is on the floor of your closet? Everything.
#28, not applicable
29. What did you do last night? Went to Best Buy; ate at Chili's
30. Favorite smells? Petra's hair, my body cream
31. What inspires you? Motherhood
32. What are you afraid of? What aren't I afraid of is the better question.
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Spicy cheese
34. Favorite dog breed? Akita, of course
35. Number of keys on your key ring? One
36. How many years at your current job? 4.5 years
37. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
38. How many states have you lived in? 5, I think
39. Favorite holidays? Christmas (I know, I know)
40. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? No.
41. How many new cars have you had ? 4
42. How many houses have you owned ? 2
43. How many siblings do you have ? 1
44. How many of your grandparents are still alive ? None
45. Where was your last vacation ? Bermuda in August

* Thanks, Shelagh!

It didn't fall off!

Heather Mills danced last night and her leg didn't come off. It didn't even wiggle weirdly or flop listlessly to one side while her body moved to the other. It was a mighty impressive debut and her scores reflected it. I'm still not sure I like her, but she deserves props for her performance.

While I don't think either will win this contest, I do believe that Apolo Anton Ohno and Clyde Drexler will tie for winner of the cutest content. Seriously, Clyde looks like the *nicest* person in the world...someone you would want to be friends with or have as your big brother or take to the prom because you just know he would treat you well. Apolo, on the other hand, looks so excited to be on the show and is child-like in his exuberance. He could go far in this competition (what with the natural ability and all), but he needs to practice more. Methinks he forgot a few steps last night. But he received a lot of praise from the judges.

Still, nothing will change my mind about the outcome. Joey Fatone, IMO, has this one hands. down.

It's sucked me back in again.

Dancing with the Stars, that is. I already have a favorite and the night is only half over. But seriously, Joey Fatone (or Fat One, as he's been nicknamed) will GO. ALL. THE. WAY. He has a natural ability and really showed up the rest of the playing field with his Cha-Cha.

As for the rest...

• Leeza Gibbons was horrible, BUT managed to be a step up from...
• Billy Ray Cyrus who really, really sucked. I mean really sucked. It was sort of sad.
• Paulina Poriskova wasn't bad; she's got beautiful lines and I thought she did better than the judges gave her credit for.
• I didn't see Ian Ziering, but the judges thought he was pretty good. I can't really take him seriously though; I mean, he *was* Steve Sanders
• Laila Ali did well... at least the judges thought so; IMO, she was alright (no idea how the judges could give her a score even CLOSE to Joey's, but they did)
• John Ratzenberger just looks like he's having a good time; he may prove to be a fan favorite.

(I'll add in my view on the rest of the competitors later)

But Joey was the best. I think he's going to rock this competition and Isay this emphatically even without seeing the entire field.

My prediction on who will leave first? Leeza. Without a doubt. Mark. My. Word.

Oh and yes, we just saw a trailer with Heather Mills saying, "my leg - it could just come off." I really hope it doesn't. The McCartney issues aside, I don't want her to fail because she has a prosthetic leg. I want her to prove that even people who have disabilities can rise to the occasion and perform as well (if not better) than others. She can't be any worse than Leeza. No, seriously. That said, I don't think she'll go too far. Too many people HATE her. And I can kinda understand why.

More commentary later; can I just say how happy I am that Dancing is back on the air?

Mommy, I want to hear Aye, aye, aye! Please!

It's become one of Petra's favorite songs thanks to her father's very cool and very loud cell phone ring. She makes me call him (often, I might add) just so she can hear it. So, the other day, I decided to download it off iTunes so we could listen to it without racking up cell phone charges.

So what song is it, you're thinking? What song starts off with Aye, Aye, Aye? The same one that begins with "All Aboard!" followed by a very evil laugh, "ha, ha, ha".

Yes, my friends, if you guessed Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train, you'd be absolutely right. And Petra's got the head banger dance down to a science. I'll see if I can record that piece of work and post it. I think you'll get a kick.

Storm of the Century

Mark this St. Patrick's Day as the Storm of the Century. We already have MORE than a foot of snow on the ground with sleet/freezing rain coming down as I type.

It is a pretty snow thought, as demonstrated by the photos below.

And my dogs just can't seem to get enough as you can see in this batch.

\

I think we'll take Petra out sledding this afternoon; it would be such a shame if she couldn't get one good hill ride in this season.

So, happy snow day to all. This is probably Mother Nature's way of saying adios, farewell, adieu.

Thanks Al for the Pachelbel Rant!

Ok, this video cracked me up. I don't recall whether or not I had Pachebel's Canon in D at my wedding, but I don't think I'll ever be able to hear it again without sniggering. Many thanks to Al for turning me on to the video.

This is only a test. You don't really need to read.

I just need to make sure Blogger is still working for me because I've been trying to post this absolutely, fantastically hilarious YouTube video and can't seem to manage right now.

And then I began to worry about another rant I posted (or thought I posted) and so I got worried that I have phantom posts out there that just haven't made it to my site.

So, this is just a test.

Ah, technology

Ya gotta love it.

I just bought (and brought home) my first home computer in more than seven years (geez, what does that say about me?).

This thing is amazing and has every gadget imaginable. I'll bet if I put it in front of the sink, it would do the dishes too. I'm not sold entirely on Windows Vista, but I'm sure in time, I'll get used to it.

Now, if Best Buy would figure out my damn order and make sure I get my restore CDs sometime this century, I'd be much happier.

For the trifecta

I'll offer up one more thought:

Organic Grape Nuts is gross. Not sure what you had to leave out to make the cereal organic, but whatever it is, Post, you really shouldn't have left it out. Really. And truly. Because the organic variety is heinous.

Sorry, Post.

"If you don't have anything nice to say...

...come sit by me."

Ok, I'm about to get a bit bitchy in a very PA way but in this case, it' s better than confrontation. Trust. Me.

IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR JOB, STOP BITCHING ABOUT IT AND FIND YOURSELF A NEW ONE.

The end. Thanks.

70 bottles of beer on the wall...

I can't take it anymore. It's time to talk about this pregnancy again. Some updates:

1. Went to the doctor last week. I'm on the every-other-week schedule now. It's getting close. Yippee!
2. Baby's already head down. Another good sign. Hopefully she'll stay that way.
3. The heartburn, Gerdie, as I've affectionately named her, is brutal. The midwife put me on Zantac and while it helps, it doesn't completely eliminate the brutal effects of acid reflux. I might actually have to eliminate coffee completely from my diet. I just can't take it much longer.

So that's the update. Oh and I guess it's time to start the poll. When do *you* think this baby will come out. Anyone who guesses AFTER May 17 will be shot on sight. FYI.

Can you say, Squall?

Two minutes ago, it wasn't snowing.

One minute ago, it started snowing hard, squall-like.

Thirty seconds ago, it stopped.

How weird is that? We went from no snow to squall to no snow in a matter of minutes.

And then, COMPLETE AND UTTER WHITE-OUT.
________
Complete secant coming....

*Still* enjoying Bring It On. I actually might have to buy this movie. It's just so embarrassing that most of the actors in the film are easily ten years younger than I am. And in about ten times better shape.

Al, check out Bravo RIGHT NOW!

That's right, Mommie Dearest (the movie about which we were just having a conversation) is on!

But I have to say, I'm forgoing it in favor of Bring It On, the cheerleading classic, which features at least two actresses from Buffy (Eliza Dushku and the girl who played Glorie (edited to add: Claire Kramer).

I mean, who doesn't love Bring It On? Okay, seriously, how fantastic is this movie? I'm right at the part where Kirsten Dunst realizes that her team has stolen moves from an inner-city LA cheerleading team.

Best line: "Can we just beat these Buffies down?"
_________
Added about 30 min later to be considered for best lines of all time:
"Ya'll ready for this? GIVE ME SOME SPIRIT FINGERS!"
"Cheerleaders are dancers gone retarded."
"In cheerleading we throw people in the air, and fat people don't go as high."
- All courtesy of Sparky Pulastri

I want to be Ann!

How is it possible that *this* woman, Ann Curry, is FIFTY years old. That's impossible. Seriously impossible.

I mean, what devil did she make a deal with? She looks absolutely fantastic. Just forget for a second how beautiful she is (I mean, objectively, this woman is beautiful); she still looks young.

Now granted, she has good, no great, genetics and I'm not even close to that pool. But, I want to learn from the Jedi master here! What are her beauty secrets? Does she Botox? And on a completely separate note, where does she shop because her wardrobe on Today is much more fabulous than her colleagues' (sorry Meredith).

Oh, Ann. I think you're fantastic and so glad you can serve as my how-to-grow-old-and-still-look-amazingly-young model. Thank you.

This post has nothing to do with pregnancy...

...but it will still be TMI for many folks. So if you are faint of heart, please read no further...

__________

Um, my BUTT burns. Why, you ask? Because I have the stomach flu, which has manifested itself as the absolute worst case of diarrhea I've ever had. E.V.E.R.
Two days now. Ever ounce of liquid I keep putting in my body is coming out THE WRONG END.

I guess a lot of folks have been brought down by this particular bug recently, including one of my co-workers. But of course, I have to be extra careful because of that condition I have, which I've promised not to mention for the next few posts.

Oh well. Thank goodness I taped the entire season 6 of America's Next Top Model (ANTM) and had that to watch in between trips to the bathroom.

Lucky Number

So last night we stopped at Market Basket to pick up a few things on our way home. And the first thing Petra did was stop at the scratch ticket machine (in all fairness, it *is* the first thing you see when you walk in the door AND they are so pretty and colorful, it's almost impossible to walk by without thinking the tickets are candy).
The following conversation ensued:

P: "Mommy! Daddy! Can I have a scratch ticket? Pleaaaaase!"

Me: "No, Petra. Your mommy and daddy don't have any money. Come on, let's go get our pizza shell."

At this point, Petra stopped, put down her Princess bag and pulled out her wallet. She then proceeded to produce a single dollar bill.

P: "Here you go, Mommy. Can we buy a scratch ticket now?"

Me (in complete and utter amazement): Um. Sure. Which one do you want?

P: "The one with the duck on it."

Me: Pet, that scratch ticket costs $2.00. And you only gave me one."

P: "Oh." (Pulls out another bill; this time a fiver.) "Here you go. Can I put the money in?"

Me: "No because that would be illegal. I'll put in the money and you can push the button."

And wouldn't you know it? The Pet won $5.00!

It's in the neighbor's yard.

My mom likes to remind me now and again that when I was little I slept through a tornado that literally picked up my swingset and slammed it into a neighbor's yard. I don't like to think about it too much.

Growing up in Texas, you tend to learn about tornado safety pretty early on. They are, unfortunately, a fact of life in many states. I remember very clearly the duck and cover drills in the hall at school. And I remember the duck and cover not-drills-but-the-real-thing-and-oh-my-goodness-that-loud-whistling-sounds-like-a-freight-train-um-is-that-a-tornado?

But it still gives me pause when I read stories about people - children - hurt or killed by tornadoes. And it bothers me deeply. And while I am so grateful I don't live in tornado alley, I must admit some sort of weird fascination with twisters. I mean, show me a Storm Stories that features a tornado and I'm all over it. The movie, Twister? Own it. News stories about tornadoes? All over them. I'm telling you, it's bizarre this obsession.

Maybe I should consider a second career as a meteorologist.

Oh, and...

...I promise, no more pregnancy- or sleep-related posts for a couple of days. I'll try and think of something else about which to post.

¡Lo hicimos!

We did it! I slept for more than two hours at a stretch! It was fantastic. I fell asleep close to 10 and woke at 11:30 to pee and readjust the pillows. But I must've hit on the secret sauce of pillow placement because lo and behold, while I did wake briefly at 1am, I didn't get up. I simply closed my eyes and when I next opened them, it was 4 AM. 4. Not 1:30, not 2 or 2:30, but FOUR AM. That's pretty darn close to a miracle in my book.

Sure, I'm still very tired. One night of decent sleep does not an entire week make up. But, and a Big Butt at this point, it's a start. And sure, it took every single pillow I own (no exaggeration...I actually stopped myself from pulling the pillow out from under my daughter's head to further build my nest), but it was well worth it.

I SLEPT. Hallelujah, people!