What is the quickest way...

...to get into a fight with your spouse? Go on a long driving trip with him and your two kids, one of whom is on a feeding schedule so tight, you could *literally* set your watch to it. Seriously, that. will. do. it.

Oy, I have a headache just thinking about it. Actually I have headaches all of the time now. I believe eye problems are the cause, but we'll see when I go back to the opthamologist later this week. Either that or it's hormonal....because, you know, I haven't just birthed a baby or anything.

Oh, and speaking of babies, wanna see another picture of mine? I certainly can't get enough.

Women and Family

So a friend of mine has asked me to contribute a short story to a book she's publishing entitled, Women & Family, 2nd edition.

Ay Carumba! I know I'm a decent BUSINESS writer, but I always find my personal writings to feel...well, contrived.

So what do you think? Do I give it a shot? Or do I just blow off the whole thing. You just know this is going to fill me with such *angst* it will be all I fixate on for a while.

Ooops! Gotta run. I hear the wild call of the Raya-bear in the distance.

Me, the Space Geek

Call me a space geek, but this weekend I plan to check out the Perseids, a meteor shower that will be visible in the skies over the northern hemisphere. Best visibility is apparently between midnight and four am, so it will be a bit of a challenge, but well worth it: the shower should be very intense thanks to the pitch black skies of a new moon.

I've never been all that interested in anything "space-y", but this article on MSNBC persuaded me to check out the shower. So look for me, out on my lawn, in a beach chair, wrapped in a blanket, gazing at the skies like a complete fool.

What does Billy Joel sing?

"Every dog must have its every day...."

Mine soon will. I plan to buy a dozen.

Dogs will have their day: Vick doll coming to St. Paul

Update

And I decided "to" Restylane. Well, at least to consider it. I've got a consultation with a cosmetic dermatologist next month.

Yes, go ahead and say it: Vanity, thy name is Michelle.

The Summer Cold

Oh how I hate the summer cold. It seems so wrong to be sick in the middle of summer, yet here I am pulling out all the stops (i.e., Theraflu, vapor plug-in, boxes of tissues, etc.).

And I'm not the only one: my ENTIRE FAMILY is sick - the baby, my husband, my mother; it seems the only one who might've escaped the cold is Petra, but I refuse to count those chickens just yet.

So here I sit, working away whilst sniffling and coughing (actually, it's more like hacking). I can't wait to go home and sleep. Wait, I can't. I have a family to take care of.

Oy.

To Restylane or not to Restylane: that is the question

So, I have these parentheses on either sides of my nose that just seem to get deeper and deeper. I went for an eyebrow wax yesterday and my aesthetician gave me the name of a cosmetic dermatologist, who supposedly, can eliminate those deep lines with a few injections.

I'm seriously considering it....

Your thoughts?

So, apparently you can't do it all.

At least that's what I'm starting to believe. This week I've:

• Been to NY and back in the same day (thus pulling a 16+-hour workday)
• Handled major work crisis
• Had my hair colored and my eyebrows and lip waxed (and at the same time got the name of a good cosmetic dermatologist!)
• Worked another two 10 hour days (putting me just shy of 40 hours in the first three days of the week. Ramping up for yet ANOTHER 60 hour work week)

Here's what I haven't done:

• Spent enough time with my children

Ugh. I got home last night with enough time to feed Petra and get her settled and then snuggle Raya for five minutes before she passed out for the night.

Methinks my priorities might be a bit whacked.

Look at the pretty colors!

Of my MIGRAINE AURA, that is! Ever had one? Um, freaky. Very, very freaky. My aura seemed to appear above and around my right eye and was a rainbow-colored arc with a very jagged edge.
This is the first "aura" I've ever had and hopefully the last. I'm worried that it has something to do with the apparent pinched nerve in my neck....but that hasn't been confirmed. I have a feeling I'll end up in the doctor's office sometime this week (because, you know, I'll fixate on this until I know exactly what caused it) and have myriad tests to confirm that it is indeed nothing.

You are a dancing queen!

Seriously, this is *talent*.

Some pics

Holy Crap! It's been awhile!

...Since I've posted, that is. What with work (did I tell you that I went back?) and the new baby (did I tell you that's she the biggest, baddest baby EVER?) and the firecracker, Petra (did I tell you that she won't wear anything but dresses?), I have no time for anything.

Oh, and of course let's not forget the new season of Big Brother. ;-)

How cute are they?

There is nothing better than snuggling sisters. I absolutely *love* this picture:

Why is it?

... the one time you *really* need your camera, the batteries on the damn device run out? Annoying.

Posting and Crocs

Part I:

I have had *no* desire to post recently. Perhaps it's the new baby, but I'm not entirely sure. I've had the desire to do thousands of other mundane tasks--set-up Raya's bank account, start her 529, do laundry and dishes (and you know how much I hate to do chores)--yet, I haven't been able to bring myself to write. I'll be honest: I haven't much to say and I fear my writing is no longer any good thanks to having far fewer brain cells than before I had the baby.

Anyhoo, I'll do my best, but I can't promise anything.

___

On another note, I am once again obsessed with Crocs; so much so that I purchased a pair of moc-Crocs for the wee one. Really? Don't believe me? Take a look at this photo of the three ladies in their rubbery shoes...

And this one of the baby and her chunky monkey thighs...

Dancing Queen, Part 2

Yes, you will need to turn your head, but I promise it will be worth it!

Dancing Queen

A short video from Petra's first recital

I love Shirley MacLaine

I really do. She's an amazing actress and I love every piece of work I've seen her in, including the not-so-fantastic-except-for-Shirley film, In Her Shoes, the movie about two sisters--played by Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette-- who have some SERIOUS ISSUES.

So the film...let me tell you, the scenes in the adult living community have endeared me to the movie completely. My grandmother lived in the exact sort of place for many, many years; I remember visiting Century Village in Deerfield Beach on almost every school holiday...I feel like my sister and I were there constantly.

Anyhoo, I fell in love with Shirley MacLaine all over again as I watched this movie. I so wished she were my grandmother...not because I didn't love my two, but because I would love to be related to her...to hang out with her...to play gin runny with her. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Do you think she'd adopt me?

don"t try this at home

the one-handed post, ladies and gentlemen. pretty impressive, huh? i have a sleeping infant in the crook of my left arm so i'm limited...but still able to type.

as an update, raya continues to amaze as the best eater in the world! we go back to the doctor on monday so we'll see just how much weight she's gained.
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Petra has a dance recital on the 20th and I promise to take video. I cannot promise however that she'll actually dance...only that she'll be dressed and ready to do so. Remember, I've been to her school recitals before and it's apparent that my child suffers from stage fright in a fierce way.
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Hey, anyone seen SJP's line of clothes, Bitten? Supposedly the line launches at Steve and Barry's (or something like that) later this week. The stuff looks cute (saw it on Oprah) and every piece in the line is $20 or less. Um....how in the hell do you produce cute clothes that cheap? Is the quality crap? Or has she just figured out that she really doesn't need any more money and is sacrificing profit margin just so we can all outfit ourselves like Carrie Bradshaw? Anyone? Anyone? If you buy a piece or two, let me know what you think. I'm always interested in the cute and the cheap.

Raya Laine

Raya's first home video!

Today's Intake...feel free to ignore

I won't do this for very long, but I do need to keep track in the short-term to see how much food this child is actually consuming. So as I said, feel free to ignore this and any other baby-feeding related posts...but the blog is a very easy place to record the info.

8:30am 4oz
11:30am 4oz
2:45pm 4oz
(PLEASE HOLD FOR MORE DATA)
5:45pm 4oz
8:45pm 4oz
1:50am 4oz
4:50am 4oz + a poop!

Grand total: 28oz in 24 hours...right on track!

Raya Bear

So far, so good. She seems to be a good baby (knock wood): She eats, sleeps and poops...and that's about it. She cries only when she needs something and makes lots of great squeaky sounds.

Did I mention she poops a lot? Yesterday we had an international poop incident, one that forced both of us to change our clothes and take tubbies. Yep. She pooped through her diaper, through her onesie and through my shirt.

And did I mention she likes to eat? According to the doctor, she's taking in waaay too much food. Um. Ooops! So I'm going to keep track (thanks blog!) for a few days just to see exactly how much she's actually eating in a 24-hour period.

Wednesday, May 30
6:30am 4oz
10:45am 5oz
1:00pm 2oz
5:20pm 4oz
9:30pm 4.5oz
(PLEASE HOLD)
12:50am 4oz
4:15am 4oz
For a grand total of 27.5 ounces

I promise...

...if I ever get tuberculosis, I will not jeopardize the health of hundreds of people by BOARDING A PLANE TWICE and flying across the pond just so I could get married and honeymoon in Greece. Promise. Won't happen.

Why this person knowingly did it is beyond me...especially because he apparently suffers from an extremely drug-resistant form of the disease.

I think this qualifies him for the Guinness Book of World Records for greatest jackass move of all time. Do you agree?

Check out the story on CNN if you haven't already.

Getting back into shape

So I'm well on my way. According to my scale (which is very good to me, I might add), I've lost 26 pregnancy pounds, which means I only have 11 pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and 15-17 lbs to be where I want to be.

The only problem is that despite the weight loss, I am still quite misshapen and I'm sure I've lost quite a bit of muscle mass (from lack of both weight training and protein).

So I've changed my diet (mostly), started walking on a daily basis, and will resume some weight activity this weekend.

Oh, and I *will* buy my first pair of Spanx. 'Cause let's face it, nothing will be the same again after birthing two babies. So the perfect bod (or at least a tighter one) must be faked.

Eat much?

I think you will all agree that my baby likes to eat... A LOT.

Tee hee!

Okay, I'm NOT 14...

...but apparently my skin thinks I am. My forehead and cheeks are breaking out. With acne! What's up with that?

Yes, I understand that my hormones are going bonkers right now, but there's no need for them to screw with my face. They're doing a good enough number on me mentally; I really don't need the added stress of ZITS. Ick. I really hope it won't get TOO bad because if it does, you'll see me on a Proactive commercial soon enough.

And just think, pretty soon my hair will start to fall out, my boobs will shrivel up and die and I'll be stuck with an extra 4-10 pounds (all in the wrong places, I might add)! Won't that be lovely? Don't. Answer.

The Dancing Finale

I zoomed through it today (thanks DVR) because let's be honest, it was the most bloated finale special save perhaps that of the Bachelor. I skipped through most of it - saw the dances (which were all really, really good), caught the scores and saw the crowning.

So the obvious question: Am I disappointed that the FAT ONE didn't win? Not really. Apolo performed very well...especially in the finale...and deserved the win. And even though he was disappointed, Joey was very gracious. Laila? Not so much...you could tell she was pissed. Somehow I don't think she's used to placing third nor do I think she was really expecting to do so.

All in all, this was the best Dancing with the Stars yet. It was the most entertaining and had the best talent. Good job, ABC!

8lbs 8oz

Apparently Raya likes her food...and her food likes her back: She gained an entire POUND in one week. Babies are supposed to get back up to their birth weight one to two weeks after birth....Raya did that and more (to the tune of 13oz!)

So here's a picture from today just so you can see those incredibly yummy chubby cheeks.

And in case you think I'd forgotten about the older child, here is one of her recent school pics. She looks too damn old, if you ask me. Where did my toddler go? But isn't she incredibly sweet looking? It's very deceptive... ;-)

My money's on Joey

Tonight is the Dancing finale -yes, I'm actually quite sad - and I fully expect Joey, the FAT ONE to win. Last night, he proved with his freestyle that he is an exceptional entertainer and a great dancer.

My second choice is the CUTE ONE, Apolo. He doesn't have the entertainment factor, but he is a strong dancer and looks great with his partner.

I've never been a huge Laila fan so I won't be disappointed if she comes in third. I don't, however, expect her to win.

We'll see. I think this will prove to be the closest race yet.

Every 240 minutes, I push the button.

Because if I forget to push that button every 240 minutes, a catastrophe of biblical proportions awaits. I'm not sure the wails of an 11-day old child could cause a plane to drop from the sky, but they certainly make me wish I were on some deserted island stuck only with Matthew Fox and the smoke monster.

And so every day I set my watch to countdown the critical 240 minutes until my newborn's next feeding. As I type, I have 25 minutes to go...

Petsmart Commercial (Barky Von Schnauzer)

Just in case you haven't seen it.

Dear Raya,

Can I just tell you that you make the cutest squeaking noises I've ever heard? I've taken to calling you Squeaky McCracken...don't ask me why. In the hospital I called you Squeaky Von Schnauzer because I call your sister Barky Von Schnauzer when she has the croupy cough. I know it sounds strange, but there is a funny PetSmart commercial in which a guy calls for his dog - Barky Von Schnauzer. It cracks me up every time I see it.

Anyhoo, you're sleeping right now - something you do well and often. But I have to remind you of two events in particular, both of which happened today:

1. You projectile pooped all over your father as he changed your diaper. Apparently it was pretty damn nasty and required him to take a shower tout de suite!
2. You spit up an entire bottle of formula....DOWN MY SHIRT. Not on my shirt. DOWN MY SHIRT. It was rather nasty, but really funny at the same time. Don't worry, I'll remind you of this particular incident when you're 15 and want nothing to do with me. And I'll do it in front of all of your friends.

I've decided not to keep a baby book; this seems to be a much better way to chronicle the trials and tribulations of motherhood (and babyhood!)

Oh, and thanks for the one-eyed smiles. They make my day.

I really did it!

I birthed that child and she is gorgeous. I've told this story a million times and I don't have much energy to write it all down, so bear with me. I'll share in installments. And I promise to start blogging again; as you can imagine, I've been quite busy these past few days!

So, here's the TWOP summary:

• Was supposed to be induced Friday morning, May 11.
• Got bumped. EVERYONE apparently decided to deliver that day (figures).
• Took a shower. Thought my water broke and started to really contract.
• Called doctor. They said, come on in. I told them I'd wait because they were busy. They said I couldn't.
• Natche had to take a shower and do about 50 other things. I drove myself to the hospital so he could finish and then take P to school.
• Got there (around 9, I think) and got checked. Water hadn't broken BUT I was 6cm dilated and contractions (not strong) were 2-3 minutes apart.
• They decided to keep me in the room even though they were incredibly busy and weren't prepared to deliver me yet. I told them I'd go down to the cafe if it would help. They said no; they weren't prepared for me to deliver in a hospital hallway.
• Asked for epidural. Nurse told me they needed to get a bag of fluids in me first...so they started my IV. Or tried to. Didn't like the nurse who blew my vein the first time.
• Natche finally arrived and I continued to lie in bed just waiting.
• Epi man came around 12-ish...I think. Didn't like him either. It took more than 30 minutes and SEVERAL tries to get the damn catheter in my back and that hurt worse than anything else I endured that day. Thankfully the final try took and ended up being a good epidural.
• Nancy, my wonderful midwife, broke my water sometime between 1 and 2....as Natche was eating his lunch. Tee hee!
• Nurse Elaine catheterized me to empty my bladder around 3-ish. Did you know that a full bladder can impede labor?
• Began to push at 5 min to 4pm.
• Raya was born 25 minutes later at 4:20pm, Friday May 11, 2007.

The best parts: No pain. No tearing. No swelling. No bleeding. And, most importantly, I got to watch my daughter being born. It was fantastic.

I'll post more later. But for now, here are/were her stats:

Raya Laine, 7lbs 11oz, 20" long

The State of My Economy

Just reported on MSNBC:

Weak April retail sales bring May jitters
A disappointing month prompts concerns about consumer spending outlook.

Some of the nation’s largest retailers reported weak same-store sales in April, adding fuel to concerns that retail spending could face a longer-term slowdown if economic woes continue to weigh on consumers.
________________

Um, MSNBC hasn't been to my house recently, have they? Because between the Arbonne purchases ($500+) and the stuff I absolutely *had* to have for Petra and/or the new baby (gazillions), I have single-handledly kept this country out of a recession.

Now people, remember, I'm headed off on maternity leave so I won't be able to get the mall/Target as frequently as I can now (at least for two weeks!). So I fully expect you to keep up the spending while I'm holed up taking care of a new baby. Hear me??? I won't have all of my hard work go down the drain because you can't whip out the gold AmEx.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

One more bottle of beer on the wall...

One week until my due date. One day until my induction (hopefully...PLEASE DON'T BUMP ME). I am *so* ready for this it isn't even funny.

So probably not too many more updates before le bebe, but I'll see what I can do. Just think: no more *poor me* pregnancy posts. Aren't you excited?

I found it! I really found it!

*This* is the song I've been looking for. From the Dunkin Donuts commercial. From LAST SUMMER.

Al was right, it's by They Might be Giants and it's called, "Time has taken my boat away."

I found it!

Is it possible?

That America loves EYE-AN Ziering more than the Fat One? Say it isn't so! Eye-an is half the dancer Joey is yet still evaded the bottom two last night. How? How? How?

Look people, I don't care if you're waxing nostalgic on 90210. Let's face it, of all of the characters of that wildy-popular-but-didn't-seem-to-know-when-to-end show, Steve Sanders was the least liked. BY EVERYBODY. He was rich, whiny and not all that attractive. And on Dancing, he appears stiff (um, dancing stiff) and frustrated (um, by the judges scores) all of the time.

So please, don't make the wrong choice. Knock Eye-an out of this competition next week, I beg of you. Because if the Fat One goes, I just might stop watching.

Where in the hell...

...is my Youtube video post? I uploaded it two damn days ago! TWICE. Did I do something wrong when I changed my template? Seriously people, all I want to do is show Allison the Dunkin video I found with that song I hummed to her more than a BILLION times. Is that too much to ask?

________
And no, no baby. They say they'll induce on Friday. We'll see...

Oh, I guess I should say something about Lost too...

It was "meh" in my opinion. Very predictable. Somewhat boring. The end.

Can it really be?

There are only three Heroes episodes left! And if you haven't seen this week's EXCELLENT episode (arguably the best of the season), please, do not read on; there is a major spoiler ahead.
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Man, Sylar is a bad ass and Adrian Pasdar is a fairly strong actor to pull of the Nathan/Sylar character this week. The best scene is when he and Claire meet up as father and daughter...sort of. And we find out that Nathan ain't really Nathan.

Also, I concur with Erin at TWOP, the Heroes are much hotter and in some ways a lot more interesting five years in the future. I mean, look at Peter! Yes, Erin, he MORE THAN resembles Neo - in look, demeanor and sort of super superhero powers - but that's ok. He's still much hotter in the future.

And past Hiro talking with future Hiro? Hysterical in some cases because it shows just how naive past Hiro really is. Oh and now I understand Mystery Sock's (copyright TWOP) final words. His job was to write the final comic so that past Hiro would know that it's his job to kill Sylar.

These final three episodes are going to be awesome. I just can't believe the season's almost over!
________

And no, no baby. YET.

38w 1d

I know. I know. I've been neglecting my blog...but with very good reasons:

1. I'm too damn tired to do anything but waddle around and complain
2. I really have nothing to say

See what I mean? Those are damn good reasons. I am utterly exhausted, have a cold and feel like my pelvis is going to break in half any second. Other than that, I'm peachy.

The bright spot in all of this: I had a spa pedicure yesterday and it was amazing. I have to remember to pamper myself more when I get into a funk because it really works. Either that or buy myself something super expensive and luxurious.

Oh, and to my three readers out there: if you have any sympathy for me at all, please concentrate all of your mind mojo on putting me in labor. Thanks very much (in advance).

It's official.

I'm miserable. And still pregnant. So I have very little to say. I'll try and think of some sort of update later. Look for an edit.

Baby Watch 2007

Still nothing. Just lots of pelvic pain and other ickiness generally associated with late-term pregnancy.

But instead of bitching about it (or anything else for that matter), tonight I'll be over at MamaPop Talk for a live chat-in on Dancing with the Stars.

And for the record, Cliff is going home this week. I feel it.

SCIATICA!

I swore the first time that this was the worse pain ever. And aside from shingles--which no human being should EVER have to endure--I was right. The Sciatica? Yep, it's back. With a vengeance. I can't walk. I can't move. I can't even breathe without subjecting myself to such intense pelvic pain.

And goody for me! According to the midwife, this has absolutely nothing to do with the onset of labor. Meaning, that I could, theoretically, go through this for ANOTHER THREE WEEKS.

Um, I. don't. think. so.

NOT a good idea

So, I hadn't felt the baby move in a while and since she's a very active bugger, I got a bit worried. So I poked her. And apparently woke her up. And she's not happy. At all. She's already knocked the wind out of me once and is now moving like crazy. I believe I hear some faint cussing as well.

Note to self: don't poke baby.

No baby.

That's all I want to say.

Shut. Me. Off.

Please. Shut me off from reality TV. I shouldn't be allowed to watch the all day VH1/MTV reality show marathons. It's such a bad idea. And considering that I'll watch, well, ANYTHING, that tells you how addicted I am. Don't believe me? Here's what I watched this weekend:

• A Who Will Be the Next Doll (as in Pussycat) marathon. Yes, I watched the ENTIRE thing.
• One epsiode of My Sweet Sixteen (lucky for me, the shine is off this car. I can only watch a few of these brats before I sicken myself)
• Four episodes of Gene Simmons' Family Jewels
• One episode of Shear Genius. Think Project Runway with hair. This is actually pretty interesting--between Jacklyn Smith and her, "this was your final cut" line and the really unhappy hair models, I might have to watch more.

So how much reality is that? Let's see: 6+1+4+1 = WAAAAAY to much reality TV for me.

It's a good thing Heroes is back on tonight. But wait? Won't that interfere with Dancing? Oh no!

And the countdown begins...

Note: this child has officially stayed in my womb longer than Petra did. As I write this, we're going on eight hours longer...which is a good thing...sort of.

So I'll update this blog as I progress...if I do. Because according to Petra, I won't have this baby until next year.
__________
Today's Update:
Excruciating inner thigh pain and excessive peeing.
Some movement but nothing as dramatic as in past days.
Lots of gas (TMI, I know).
Not much to eat. I really haven't been too hungry today.
__________
So we'll see what tomorrow brings. I have to go back to the doctor's office at 10am for a non-stress test because, you know, I'm of AMA (advanced maternal age). I'm hoping they'll tell me I'm in labor.

It's been a while...

...since I've blogged, but I have a good reason: I'M EIGHT AND A HALF FRIGGEN MONTHS PREGNANT.

There, I got that off my chest.

And just in case you were keeping track, I am 36 weeks and two days...the EXACT day my water broke with my first pregnancy (which produced the love of my life). And fortunately (or unfortunately, I can't decide), it doesn't look like it's going to happen again. I will *officially* make it longer in this pregnancy than in the first.

And I suppose that's a very good thing. Right? So, the question of the century is, when is this baby going to come???

I really hate to admit it...

But I've been watching (gulp) Tori & Dean: Inn Love. Don't ask me why becuase it's not very good. It's probably because she's pregnant and I love watching her pregnant. She looks fantastic - big, but fantastic. (And yes, I realize that she gave birth several weeks ago, but she's still pregnant on the show).

They *heavily* edit the show and that process-editing- is not as well done as some of the other reality shows I've watched...but then again, it's 1/2 hour. I also think they play to the camera a leeetle too much.

But again, I watch. And I tivo. And I look forward to upcoming episodes. I just can't help it.

But before I go on...

I want to be very clear that while I'm completely into the shiny and spangly stylings of my favorite dancers, it's only because I've been alternately horrified and depressed by today's tragic news: A young man went on a shooting rampage on the Virginia Tech campus killing at least 32 people and wounding another two dozen.

It's the worst shooting in American history and evokes memories of Columbine (1999) and the UT Massacre (1962).

It makes me want to cry. And, never let Petra out of my sight.

The week of the Samba and the Rumba, Part Deux

And now for the second half of the show.

• John. "They like me. They really like me!" No, not really, but John did give his best performance of the season and the judges seemed pleased....well, at least pleased enough to give straight 6's across the board. It was definitely a fun performance though.
• Laila. They pulled the rumba. I'm. not. sure. about. this. one. She just doesn't look comfortable. (And can I just say, she looks a lot bigger than her partner). She might do well. Ok, I was wrong before. The judges are calling this her best performance ever. Um, her fiance is luscious. (9-10-9...not bad at all)

(In the midst of all of this, Petra and her daddy are dancing the tango. It's hysterical.)

• Apolo. Rocked It. It was one of the best performances I've seen on this show EVER. His samba was fan-friggen-tastic. I gotta give it to his partner, Julianne, because she choregraphed a phenomenal dance. HE DIT IT - 10-10-10!!!!!!! I am so thrilled for him. Of course, all Petra could say during the performance was, "Mommy, that's the song from Madagascar! That's the 'Move It' song from the movie!"
• Achy Breaky. He's wearing lavender...let's just start with that. And, um, she is the only one dancing; he's just sorta standing there. Oh, this is just painful to watch. Painful. As Natche just said, "that's not good." Apparently the judges agreed. And the scores are....6-6-5.

I really love this show.

The week of the Samba and the Rumba

As I write this, Jonathan (Heather's partner) is getting his chest waxed. There is nothing more painful than that. Nothing.

But back to the beginning of this week's Dancing:

• Ian. He did a good job and I think the judges were a bit harsh to be honest. He looked better than he had all season but they were pretty critical. That said, his scores were decent - 8's across the board.
• Clyde. Was bad. And his scores reflected his poor dancing (4-5-4). I still love his smile and hope he doesn't go home this week.
• Heather. I didn't like her dance this week; I really didn't. First of all, the samba is a Brazilian dance and the music was as far from Latin as you can get (points off in my opinion). And there was too many theatrics before you actually got to the dancing; I really thought the judges would take off points for that. But they remain awed by her performances....her scores momentarily....7's across the board. And I agree with the women over at MamaPop.com: the costume designers CAN'T STAND Heather. Seriously, they saddle her with the ugliest outfits I've ever seen.
• The Fat One. Oh how I love the Fat One. He is the best dancer in this competition. Ok. Len is calling Joey's performance feminine. That is hysterical because, well, it kinda was. He did this turn on one leg that looked a little girly. BUT, and a big butt, it was a good performance. And oh my goodness, did Samantha just call him a peak-too-soon????

And while we're at commercial, did you know that Samantha is pregnant? Apparently there were quite a few rumors surfacing about her newly-enlargened bosom and she had to come out and say, "No dopes! I didn't augment, I got knocked up!"

One more for the Trifecta!

I forgot to blog earlier about the two Lost episodes I watched this morning. 3-15 and 3-16 (Kate-centric and Juliet-centric respectively).

The first was okay...not wonderful, but certainly better than some of the more recent episodes. The second was really, really good. And I think I enjoyed it because this is the first episode (IMO) that's starting to answer some of the questions this insane series has raised from the beginning.

And I really like learning about the Others. To be frank, they're far more interesting than the "islanders". I'll bet William Mapother is shocked at how much work he's getting for being in so many flashbacks!

And the cross-overs are pretty cool. Everything and everyone is related. I can't wait for Jack to find out that Claire's his sister. Or for Kate to find out that Sawyer is Cassidy's con man. I imagine one big island blowout....and I'm sure there are more "relationships" that are bound to be discovered in the upcoming weeks, even if it's only by us viewers.

Finally, you gotta love the mind games. The fact that episode 3-16 ended with Ben and Juliet scheming in a recent flashback reminded the viewer that NOTHING on this island is what it seems.

Just a few questions: are Nikki and Paulo gone for good? Is it true that eye-patch man, Mikael, survived his encounter with the gate? And could they PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring back Eko for a flashback or two? Seriously, I'm not asking for the man to remain under long-term contract; I just want him back as eye candy for a couple of epis. Too much to ask?

Who Knew?

Who knew grapefruit juice--or grapefruits for that matter--could be dangerous? Apparently though, they block the body's ability to absorb certain drugs allowing them to more freely enter the bloodstream...or something like that. And as a result, grapefruit can make these drugs TOXIC.

Did you know that? Because I didn't. And apparently the two pulls I take regularly (when I'm not pregnant) are affected by the tangy juice.

That sucks.

It scared me.

I just watched the scariest show on television: Engaged & Underage. Have you seen this thing? And more importantly, where do they find these people? I just watched a couple get married and they are young...really young...she's 18 and he's 22. And here's the kicker: THEY HAVE TWO CHILDREN.

I don't want to stereotype (from Kentucky; live in a trailer) but her greatest ambition is to be Miss America (um, can't do that now!). And since she is out of the running, she's signing up her two children to carry on her dream.

I can't EVEN fathom and I'm not sure I've ever seen such a trainwreck.

Thank you so much to my parents for giving me a faaaaarrrr better life.

But I don't want to raise the devil's spawn!

Apparently though, I have no choice. Petra, the love of my life, has turned into someone even Satan would cast out of hell. I just called school and for the second day in a row I had to hear how out-of-control my child has been acting lately.

So I hightailed it down to school, had a good cry in the director's office and learned from her that this is the way three-year olds deal with change: They internalize their fears and anxiety and then act out. They mouth off, they regress and they turn aggressive.

Of course, this is all my fault, isn't it? I'm the one who asked, hey Petra, want a baby sister? Want someone to come into your life and steal the spotlight? Want to have to vie for your parents' attention? Seriously, how friggen' difficult is that to comprehend? I don't think I could manage it at 37, much less three.

My poor pumpkin. Someone...anyone...please tell me that this is entirely normal and that she'll go back to being the Petra we know and love very, very soon.

It feels like a lifetime...

But really, it's only been eight months. Exactly. If all goes according to plan, I have five weeks and two days left in this pregnancy. But we all know how well my plans go....

...and I should add that it's not even 9am and I'm already having a craptastic day. Between my child throwing her Leapster at my head because she couldn't see it and the woman in the white Dodge Caravan who cut me off and then had the audacity to flip me off after I beeped at her--I can tell it's time for me to just go back home, get under the covers and watch lots of daytime television.

Who knew?

Who knew you could live "jewishly" in New Hampshire. Certainly, not I.

http://www.jewishnh.org/iculture.asp

A true conversation...

Me: (ring, ring to Petra's school): Hi, Colleen! I'm just calling to check on Petra today. She woke up with a croupy cough on Saturday so I just want to make sure she's feeling better today.

Col: Hi! As far as the cough goes, Petra's fine. As far as the *hitting* goes, not so good.

Me: Um, she hit someone today?

Col: She hit three people today. It started with Natalie. Then she hit James and Gabrielle. And she's been very defiant.

Me: Um. Do you want me to come and get her?

Col: No, she considers that a reward. We'll handle.

Me: Ok. I'll speak with her tonight. I'm so very sorry.

Col: It happens. She probably realizes the baby is coming soon.

Me: Ok. (thinking yes, because then she can start taking out her frustration on the baby!)

Not a good color

So I woke up this morning just as the alarm was going off, Petra by my side )of course). I sat up, took in the Channel 7 weather and gave Petra a nice long squeeze. I forced myself out of bed, went into P's room and came back with her clothes so Natche could get her ready.

And that's when I saw it. The BRIGHT RED blood on the bed. Right where it wasn't supposed to be. Now understand, it wasn't just a little dab; this blood appeared to be some significant spotting.

So I did as any pregnant lady would and I *RAN* to the bathroom, thinking the entire time, "What do I do? What do I do?" and, "This REALLY isn't good," and finally, "Oh shit". I mean, I'm eight months pregnant. That kind of blood is a really, really bad sign, right?

And that's when I saw it. The big blood stain on my right pajama pant. Which, when removed revealed a massive cut on my leg. Nothing more. It didn't hurt and I had no IDEA I was bleeding as heavily as I was. But that's what it was. A nasty cut. And because I sat up in bed with my legs folded underneath me....well, now you know why the blood was where it was.

People! I. almost. had. a. heart. attack. This pregnancy is just too difficult. Can I really still have five weeks left?

Thank you Easter Bunny, bock bock!

Easter was lovely. Petra and I actually accompanied her father to Mass, but stopped short of participating. She wanted to know why we sat while everyone else kneeled/took communion and I told her it is because we are "different". Well, her father didn't like that too much.

"She's not different," he proclaimed.

"Different is not bad," I said. "Different is different, nothing more."

"Well, don't give her a complex. We don't want to upset her!"

"Ok. Petra, honey? You are the same as everyone else. Just the same. Nothing more. No different. Are you happy now, Natche?"

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

...Because everyone should wear a tutu with her Spongebob pajamas.

Uh oh.

Judge Puts Halt on New Vonage Customers
A federal judge on Friday ordered Vonage not to accept any new customers while it continues to infringe on Verizon Communications patents covering some aspects of Internet phone calls.

To read on, click here.

Unforgiven

I'm trying to figure out who needs to be forgiven for this mess: Is it the couple who wants to name their child Metallica or the Swedish National Tax Board, which has refused to register the name?

I have to say, it's deadlocked for me.


Couple Fights to Name Baby 'Metallica'

Caillou!

"Mommy, mommy! I want to watch Caillou! Morning, noon and night! Caillou isn't really that obnoxious Charlie Brown lookalike you think he is. No really, he doesn't whine, complain or act act like an overly-entitled 4-year old the way you think he does. Really, mommy, won't you sit down and watch a Caillou marathon with me??? Please????

"Pet, thanks for the offer, but I'd much rather stick hot needles in my eyes or give birth without an epidural...that's how much I *love* Caillou."

Die Hard 4

You don't have to be a Bruce fan to appreciate this trailer. Look how much stuff gets blown up!

Cube News 1

Ok. This woman is hysterical. And apparently she posts Cube News updates regularly. We might have to visit with Kim more.

Predictable

I have a feeling that this season's Dancing with the Stars is going to be a bit more predictable than the previous season's. I knew Paulina would go early and I predicted that Miss America was next. AND, I expect that Leeza isn't long for this world especially given that she was in the bottom two last night.

Let's face it: this show is a popularity contest, much like American Idol. Sure the judges' votes count for half, but the American public has the ability to take a mid-packer and place him in the top four (a la Jerry Rice) or get rid of him immediately. So mark my words: we're going to have to put up with Achy Breaky and his horrible dancing for quite a while...he's got too strong a fan base and they are voters.

And even though I'm complaining, I do love the show. The routines border on amusing (um, Star Wars, oh Fat One?), but there have been quite a few pleasant surprises (Heather!) and some really good dancing.

So yes, I will continue to watch. And predict. And enjoy!

Vonage is down. I repeat, Vonage is down.

The Web site. The network. All gone. Instead, when I pick up my phone, I hear a nice male voice saying, "This telephone line cannot register to the Vonage network." And when I go to the Web site, I get a lovely message that reads, "Account information is not available at this time. We apologize for any inconvenience."

But then again, it might be simply user error. After all, I am just a young woman (can we emphasize the *young*) who doesn't know what she's talking about. ;-)

Test.

I'm not sure about the new Blogger functionality, nor am I sure I like how my template looks right now.

So, we'll just call this a "test". I am, however, very fond of my new baby ticker (see sidebar); it's rather funky.

Peeps for Passover

Gotta hand it to this woman for some major creativity and style points as she presents the Peeps reinacting the plagues that befell the Egyptians during their persecution of the Jews.

Peeps for Passover

My Ears!

The following is actual dialogue from a conversation that took place this morning at 3:44am; all of us were in bed:

Natche: (snore) (snore) (snore even louder)

P: (pushing her father) "Daddy, I can't hear my ears. You keep making an 'oink oink' sound!"

Natche: (barely awake) "Whaa??? Hmmmm....What's going on???"

Me: (laughing hard because I know exactly what she's saying; trying to catch my breath) "She can't hear anything but your snoring. She keeps waking up. That's what she's trying to say."

P: (for emphasis because she hears me laughing so loudly)
"Dada, stop making the 'oink' noise!"

Natche: "Whaaa? I don't snore!"

Ha! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Seriously, it was one of the funniest exchanges ever.

Lost

Interesting episode, I must say. Or is interesting even the right word? I'm actually quite taken with this Nikki and Paulo-centric epi.

Wait and ick. Did the Losties just bury them (Nikki and Paulo) alive? Ick. Ick. Ick. Blech.

But remember, as Locke said, nothing stays buried on the island.

Ick. Ick. Ick.

Pick a day...any day!

My mother already has April 26th (not coincidentally, her birthday).
Natche thinks this child will come on May 1.

I have a feeling, that just to spite me, this child will come on May 18. And for those not keeping track, that will be one day AFTER my due date.

So what do you think? Venture a guess?

My goodness, the behavior!

Ok, someone took my semi-normal three-year old and replaced her with an oh-the-drop-of-a-hat-sends-her-into-full-tantrum-mode child.

I kid you not, her tantrums will be legendary one day. You can't predict them. You can't anticipate them. And, you can't manage them. You can only walk away....quickly....and pray that she stops when she realizes she doesn't have an audience.

(Sidebar: I'm watching the recap from last night's Dancing--yes, I'm addicted--and the worst female performance for the foxtrot BY FAR goes to Leeeeza. Wow. It was bad. And her mambo wasn't much better even though she did receive an acceptable score...not sure how that's possible.)

So back to my child. I don't know what to do except to hope that it's just a phase. She's so familiar with the timeout process at this point that I could probably just look at her and point and she'd know what to do. Not only that, but her *stuff*, you know, the *stuff* she carries with her EVERYWHERE--puppy, the blue and red ponies, the small Dora dog and her favorite vanilla chapstick--and loves so much it pains her to part with it? Oh trust me, all of that stuff is equally as familiar with the timeout process--one that involves sitting on the refrig for a predetermined amount of time--and really wants her to start behaving too.

Dancing with the Starts, Week 2

Hear me now early in week 2 of Dancing: I might reconsider my choice for winner. I just saw Apolo Anton Ohno dance and he was fan-friggen'-tastic. Not only that, but he's cute, looked like he was having fun and genuinely danced well.

I'll see how Joey does tonight, but I can't imagine a much better Quickstep than Apolo's.

I can't remember if I predicted the ultimate loser; you know, the one who goes home tomorrow night. I'd like it to be Billy Rae, but I imagine he has quite a few country music fans who will vote for him...not to mention the entire Hanna Montana fan base. It's actually quite sad because he could go far that way.

Shandi is cute in a Barbie doll sort of way, but she's not very good. I don't think she'll make it very far.

Leeza will go early, but I don't know if she'll be the first.

I'll be so disappointed if Clyde goes. He's so damn cute.

Sooooo.......I'm going with Leeza. Sorry, but the tribe has spoken.

EDITED at 8:55 to say: It's EEE-YAN. EEE-YAN. Who the hell else pronounces it EYE-AN???

EDITED at 8:58 to say: Best line of the night from Paulina Poriskova; "I'm going to go out and mambo as hard as a Czech girl can."

Random Musings

Lost was fantastic. One of the better epis IMO. LOVE the crashing window scene.
_________

Saw parts of Jane Austen does Bollywood yesterday and then taped the entire thing last night. I already love it and might have to watch it several times.
_________

My child has turned into a screaming, whining banshee who doesn't listen. I might pull all of my hair out.
_________

How is it that I'm supposed to be winding down at work, but still managed to put in 55 hours last week. I don't feel like I had much of a weekend at all.
________

That's all for now.

I did it!

I went back to the gym today to work out with JP for the first time since this unfortunate episode.

I was so nervous; I thought it was going to suck big time...or actually, more to the point, I thought I'd be sucking some major wind. Surprisingly though, I did really, really well. Granted, I wasn't lifting anything REALLY heavy but I managed to do an hour-long full body workout with surprising ease.

And. it. felt. good. So good, in fact, that I plan to go back next week and every week until this baby makes her appearance. LOVE IT!

Mean Girls

I just read a very interesting blog post written by Jen (Jennsylvania, Bitter is the New Black) over at MamaPop.com. The post starts off by recounting the story of April Branum, the 400 lb California woman who gave birth to a healthy baby boy two days after she found out she was pregnant.

But Jen's post was less about the woman and more about the mean, hateful comments made on the OC Register's Web site following the posting of the story there. So she asked the question, does anonymity make people mean? Or meaner? And if so, why?

I mean, who cares that the woman didn't know she was pregnant? Seriously, if you weighed 400 lbs, it's quite possible you wouldn't feel a baby kicking....that's a lot of padding! And if you hadn't had your period in more than two years, you'd probably think a stomach ache was just that and not necessarily the onset of LABOR.

But let's say you're a skeptic, an asshole or just downright stupid and you have a hard time accepting her story - does that give you the right to be mean and vicious?

The answer, of course, is no. Absolutely, positively not. (And yes, I get the irony that this post is coming from me, the woman who often quotes Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias, "if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.")

Still, I don't care who you are or how snarky you can get sometimes, there is no need to wish someone ill or to assume (in print) that a 400 lb woman cannot properly care for a newborn.

NH Rocks!

CONCORD, N.H. -- For the fourth straight year, New Hampshire has been named the "Most Livable State" in the nation in a national survey. Morgan Quinto Press listed New Hampshire as No. 1, based on economic, educational, health-oriented, crime and environmental statistics.

Governor John Lynch is beaming. He says the report reaffirms that New Hampshire is a great place to live and work. But he said the state still must work to improve the quality of education, strengthen the economy, make health care more accessible and affordable, protect natural resources and ensure public safety.

(Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

My first meme!*

1. What is your occupation? VP of Marketing
2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing any!
3. What are you listening to right now ? Cirque du Soleil, even as I write
4. What was the last thing you ate? A wheat bagel, nothing on it
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, of course...who can't?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? The brightest one in the box
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Natche
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes
Missing #9
10. Favorite drink? Coffee, even now
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Um, no?
13.Do you have any pets? No, but I have two furry children-Biko & Kita
14. Favorite food? BBQ Ribs
15. What was the last movie you watched? Ice Age 2
16. Favorite day of the year? Petra's Birthday
17. What do you do to vent anger? Run (when not pregnant, of course)
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Kola Bear (no, that's not a misspelling; I didn't know how to spell "koala" when I was young)
19. Which is your favorite fall or spring? Spring
20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
21. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries
#22 - 24, not applicable
Missing #25
26. When was the last time you cried? Last week. Major meltdown.
27. What is on the floor of your closet? Everything.
#28, not applicable
29. What did you do last night? Went to Best Buy; ate at Chili's
30. Favorite smells? Petra's hair, my body cream
31. What inspires you? Motherhood
32. What are you afraid of? What aren't I afraid of is the better question.
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Spicy cheese
34. Favorite dog breed? Akita, of course
35. Number of keys on your key ring? One
36. How many years at your current job? 4.5 years
37. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
38. How many states have you lived in? 5, I think
39. Favorite holidays? Christmas (I know, I know)
40. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? No.
41. How many new cars have you had ? 4
42. How many houses have you owned ? 2
43. How many siblings do you have ? 1
44. How many of your grandparents are still alive ? None
45. Where was your last vacation ? Bermuda in August

* Thanks, Shelagh!

It didn't fall off!

Heather Mills danced last night and her leg didn't come off. It didn't even wiggle weirdly or flop listlessly to one side while her body moved to the other. It was a mighty impressive debut and her scores reflected it. I'm still not sure I like her, but she deserves props for her performance.

While I don't think either will win this contest, I do believe that Apolo Anton Ohno and Clyde Drexler will tie for winner of the cutest content. Seriously, Clyde looks like the *nicest* person in the world...someone you would want to be friends with or have as your big brother or take to the prom because you just know he would treat you well. Apolo, on the other hand, looks so excited to be on the show and is child-like in his exuberance. He could go far in this competition (what with the natural ability and all), but he needs to practice more. Methinks he forgot a few steps last night. But he received a lot of praise from the judges.

Still, nothing will change my mind about the outcome. Joey Fatone, IMO, has this one hands. down.

It's sucked me back in again.

Dancing with the Stars, that is. I already have a favorite and the night is only half over. But seriously, Joey Fatone (or Fat One, as he's been nicknamed) will GO. ALL. THE. WAY. He has a natural ability and really showed up the rest of the playing field with his Cha-Cha.

As for the rest...

• Leeza Gibbons was horrible, BUT managed to be a step up from...
• Billy Ray Cyrus who really, really sucked. I mean really sucked. It was sort of sad.
• Paulina Poriskova wasn't bad; she's got beautiful lines and I thought she did better than the judges gave her credit for.
• I didn't see Ian Ziering, but the judges thought he was pretty good. I can't really take him seriously though; I mean, he *was* Steve Sanders
• Laila Ali did well... at least the judges thought so; IMO, she was alright (no idea how the judges could give her a score even CLOSE to Joey's, but they did)
• John Ratzenberger just looks like he's having a good time; he may prove to be a fan favorite.

(I'll add in my view on the rest of the competitors later)

But Joey was the best. I think he's going to rock this competition and Isay this emphatically even without seeing the entire field.

My prediction on who will leave first? Leeza. Without a doubt. Mark. My. Word.

Oh and yes, we just saw a trailer with Heather Mills saying, "my leg - it could just come off." I really hope it doesn't. The McCartney issues aside, I don't want her to fail because she has a prosthetic leg. I want her to prove that even people who have disabilities can rise to the occasion and perform as well (if not better) than others. She can't be any worse than Leeza. No, seriously. That said, I don't think she'll go too far. Too many people HATE her. And I can kinda understand why.

More commentary later; can I just say how happy I am that Dancing is back on the air?

Mommy, I want to hear Aye, aye, aye! Please!

It's become one of Petra's favorite songs thanks to her father's very cool and very loud cell phone ring. She makes me call him (often, I might add) just so she can hear it. So, the other day, I decided to download it off iTunes so we could listen to it without racking up cell phone charges.

So what song is it, you're thinking? What song starts off with Aye, Aye, Aye? The same one that begins with "All Aboard!" followed by a very evil laugh, "ha, ha, ha".

Yes, my friends, if you guessed Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train, you'd be absolutely right. And Petra's got the head banger dance down to a science. I'll see if I can record that piece of work and post it. I think you'll get a kick.

Storm of the Century

Mark this St. Patrick's Day as the Storm of the Century. We already have MORE than a foot of snow on the ground with sleet/freezing rain coming down as I type.

It is a pretty snow thought, as demonstrated by the photos below.

And my dogs just can't seem to get enough as you can see in this batch.

\

I think we'll take Petra out sledding this afternoon; it would be such a shame if she couldn't get one good hill ride in this season.

So, happy snow day to all. This is probably Mother Nature's way of saying adios, farewell, adieu.

Thanks Al for the Pachelbel Rant!

Ok, this video cracked me up. I don't recall whether or not I had Pachebel's Canon in D at my wedding, but I don't think I'll ever be able to hear it again without sniggering. Many thanks to Al for turning me on to the video.

This is only a test. You don't really need to read.

I just need to make sure Blogger is still working for me because I've been trying to post this absolutely, fantastically hilarious YouTube video and can't seem to manage right now.

And then I began to worry about another rant I posted (or thought I posted) and so I got worried that I have phantom posts out there that just haven't made it to my site.

So, this is just a test.

Ah, technology

Ya gotta love it.

I just bought (and brought home) my first home computer in more than seven years (geez, what does that say about me?).

This thing is amazing and has every gadget imaginable. I'll bet if I put it in front of the sink, it would do the dishes too. I'm not sold entirely on Windows Vista, but I'm sure in time, I'll get used to it.

Now, if Best Buy would figure out my damn order and make sure I get my restore CDs sometime this century, I'd be much happier.

For the trifecta

I'll offer up one more thought:

Organic Grape Nuts is gross. Not sure what you had to leave out to make the cereal organic, but whatever it is, Post, you really shouldn't have left it out. Really. And truly. Because the organic variety is heinous.

Sorry, Post.

"If you don't have anything nice to say...

...come sit by me."

Ok, I'm about to get a bit bitchy in a very PA way but in this case, it' s better than confrontation. Trust. Me.

IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR JOB, STOP BITCHING ABOUT IT AND FIND YOURSELF A NEW ONE.

The end. Thanks.

70 bottles of beer on the wall...

I can't take it anymore. It's time to talk about this pregnancy again. Some updates:

1. Went to the doctor last week. I'm on the every-other-week schedule now. It's getting close. Yippee!
2. Baby's already head down. Another good sign. Hopefully she'll stay that way.
3. The heartburn, Gerdie, as I've affectionately named her, is brutal. The midwife put me on Zantac and while it helps, it doesn't completely eliminate the brutal effects of acid reflux. I might actually have to eliminate coffee completely from my diet. I just can't take it much longer.

So that's the update. Oh and I guess it's time to start the poll. When do *you* think this baby will come out. Anyone who guesses AFTER May 17 will be shot on sight. FYI.

Can you say, Squall?

Two minutes ago, it wasn't snowing.

One minute ago, it started snowing hard, squall-like.

Thirty seconds ago, it stopped.

How weird is that? We went from no snow to squall to no snow in a matter of minutes.

And then, COMPLETE AND UTTER WHITE-OUT.
________
Complete secant coming....

*Still* enjoying Bring It On. I actually might have to buy this movie. It's just so embarrassing that most of the actors in the film are easily ten years younger than I am. And in about ten times better shape.

Al, check out Bravo RIGHT NOW!

That's right, Mommie Dearest (the movie about which we were just having a conversation) is on!

But I have to say, I'm forgoing it in favor of Bring It On, the cheerleading classic, which features at least two actresses from Buffy (Eliza Dushku and the girl who played Glorie (edited to add: Claire Kramer).

I mean, who doesn't love Bring It On? Okay, seriously, how fantastic is this movie? I'm right at the part where Kirsten Dunst realizes that her team has stolen moves from an inner-city LA cheerleading team.

Best line: "Can we just beat these Buffies down?"
_________
Added about 30 min later to be considered for best lines of all time:
"Ya'll ready for this? GIVE ME SOME SPIRIT FINGERS!"
"Cheerleaders are dancers gone retarded."
"In cheerleading we throw people in the air, and fat people don't go as high."
- All courtesy of Sparky Pulastri

I want to be Ann!

How is it possible that *this* woman, Ann Curry, is FIFTY years old. That's impossible. Seriously impossible.

I mean, what devil did she make a deal with? She looks absolutely fantastic. Just forget for a second how beautiful she is (I mean, objectively, this woman is beautiful); she still looks young.

Now granted, she has good, no great, genetics and I'm not even close to that pool. But, I want to learn from the Jedi master here! What are her beauty secrets? Does she Botox? And on a completely separate note, where does she shop because her wardrobe on Today is much more fabulous than her colleagues' (sorry Meredith).

Oh, Ann. I think you're fantastic and so glad you can serve as my how-to-grow-old-and-still-look-amazingly-young model. Thank you.

This post has nothing to do with pregnancy...

...but it will still be TMI for many folks. So if you are faint of heart, please read no further...

__________

Um, my BUTT burns. Why, you ask? Because I have the stomach flu, which has manifested itself as the absolute worst case of diarrhea I've ever had. E.V.E.R.
Two days now. Ever ounce of liquid I keep putting in my body is coming out THE WRONG END.

I guess a lot of folks have been brought down by this particular bug recently, including one of my co-workers. But of course, I have to be extra careful because of that condition I have, which I've promised not to mention for the next few posts.

Oh well. Thank goodness I taped the entire season 6 of America's Next Top Model (ANTM) and had that to watch in between trips to the bathroom.

Lucky Number

So last night we stopped at Market Basket to pick up a few things on our way home. And the first thing Petra did was stop at the scratch ticket machine (in all fairness, it *is* the first thing you see when you walk in the door AND they are so pretty and colorful, it's almost impossible to walk by without thinking the tickets are candy).
The following conversation ensued:

P: "Mommy! Daddy! Can I have a scratch ticket? Pleaaaaase!"

Me: "No, Petra. Your mommy and daddy don't have any money. Come on, let's go get our pizza shell."

At this point, Petra stopped, put down her Princess bag and pulled out her wallet. She then proceeded to produce a single dollar bill.

P: "Here you go, Mommy. Can we buy a scratch ticket now?"

Me (in complete and utter amazement): Um. Sure. Which one do you want?

P: "The one with the duck on it."

Me: Pet, that scratch ticket costs $2.00. And you only gave me one."

P: "Oh." (Pulls out another bill; this time a fiver.) "Here you go. Can I put the money in?"

Me: "No because that would be illegal. I'll put in the money and you can push the button."

And wouldn't you know it? The Pet won $5.00!

It's in the neighbor's yard.

My mom likes to remind me now and again that when I was little I slept through a tornado that literally picked up my swingset and slammed it into a neighbor's yard. I don't like to think about it too much.

Growing up in Texas, you tend to learn about tornado safety pretty early on. They are, unfortunately, a fact of life in many states. I remember very clearly the duck and cover drills in the hall at school. And I remember the duck and cover not-drills-but-the-real-thing-and-oh-my-goodness-that-loud-whistling-sounds-like-a-freight-train-um-is-that-a-tornado?

But it still gives me pause when I read stories about people - children - hurt or killed by tornadoes. And it bothers me deeply. And while I am so grateful I don't live in tornado alley, I must admit some sort of weird fascination with twisters. I mean, show me a Storm Stories that features a tornado and I'm all over it. The movie, Twister? Own it. News stories about tornadoes? All over them. I'm telling you, it's bizarre this obsession.

Maybe I should consider a second career as a meteorologist.

Oh, and...

...I promise, no more pregnancy- or sleep-related posts for a couple of days. I'll try and think of something else about which to post.

¡Lo hicimos!

We did it! I slept for more than two hours at a stretch! It was fantastic. I fell asleep close to 10 and woke at 11:30 to pee and readjust the pillows. But I must've hit on the secret sauce of pillow placement because lo and behold, while I did wake briefly at 1am, I didn't get up. I simply closed my eyes and when I next opened them, it was 4 AM. 4. Not 1:30, not 2 or 2:30, but FOUR AM. That's pretty darn close to a miracle in my book.

Sure, I'm still very tired. One night of decent sleep does not an entire week make up. But, and a Big Butt at this point, it's a start. And sure, it took every single pillow I own (no exaggeration...I actually stopped myself from pulling the pillow out from under my daughter's head to further build my nest), but it was well worth it.

I SLEPT. Hallelujah, people!